Update

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With only two spotty channels on the tv, I've begun taking advantage of my Prime membership. Over the past few days, I've been watching Doctor Who, one of my favorite shows from childhood. It's so nice to be able to see shows that I'd long missed.

Demeter and I have been taking long walks, at least a mile daily. It's good for us both, getting plenty of exercise and all that nonsense. She's doing well with our travels, but a loud diesel motor or a motorcycle will have her dragging me as fast as she can with her tail between her legs. We're working on it, but it's taking time. 

I've taught her the word "intersection". She stops, checks every direction, and awaits her command to cross. So far, so good. She's learning to ignore the many dogs we pass, most of them on short chains from the blurs I can make out of their movements. Only a few are in fenced yards, where they have freedom to play and run along the fence.

The robins have hatched, grown, and left the nest. I finally have my spider plant back, and it's responding to regular watering now that the nest is empty. Now, a pair of finches are building a nest in one of my ferns.

Running the ac already. It's in the eighties, which I adore, but it's incredibly muggy outside. My mistake was in having the doors open which really made the house steamy.

We received a lot of rain recently. We've really needed it here. With nearby lakes being low, our town has decided to not open the pool this year. It's a shame. Our summers are long and hot, and there is little here for children to do. School sports and the public library are the only things here in town for the under eighteen crowd. Hopefully, the rain we've just gotten will be just a start.

I've moved on, gotten over Hubby, let go of the pain and hurt. I awaken each day feeling more and more like my old self, the me that I was before things went so wrong. I look forward to life, and find happiness again in the little things. It took a lot of time and effort to get here, a lot of tears.  I came through the storm, and I survived......

He came up on Friday. Paperwork to be signed in front of a notary, lunch at a restaurant, and we sat on the porch. Chatted for an hour or so as we sipped pink lemonade and he repaired broken parts on my etrike. Tomorrow, he will return. Just one more paper for me to sign, and then, I'm single again.

I think that this will be the last post on this blog. It's the end of a portion of my life, and I'm ready to move on.

Rain and changes

Loved, loved, loved the thunderstorms last night. Wonderful hearing the rainfall and the rumbles of thunder. I miss, though, having a home in a place where I could have windows open as I sleep. Getting brushed by a patch of rain tonight. 

More flowers planted in the garden and big pots in the yard. Windows are open during the day, and the breezes are welcome. The house is clean, laundry is caught up, and I'm focusing my main efforts in gardening.

I've been walking Demeter most days, trying to go a mile at least. Getting her used to leading me, taking her different directions and places so that she can get me home. She's learning intersections, stopping at each one. She automatically looks every direction when we stop. I'm teaching her to look for cars, bikes, trucks, etc. She's gotten me home in the dark. Clever girl.

Since Demeter won't tolerate another animal in the house, getting a guide dog is out of the question. I expect a dog of Demeter's size and health to live another six or more years. That means that she and I are a team. I take care of her, she takes care of me. Symbiosis at its finest. I'm training her to lead me, getting her used to new places, things and situations. She'll do fine. Being helpful is something she enjoys.

It's hard to pace myself. I overdo things and wear out quickly. Then, I'm frustrated by not being able to do things. I wonder if I'll ever bounce back from the methotrexate. It's been almost a year since my first dose, and over ten months since my last one. That medicine really messed my up. Too bad it didn't help my eyes.

More eye changes. More sensitivity to light, less vision in shadows. A lot of shadowy things are just black blobs now. Kind of creepy in a b movie sort of way. More eye changes bring back hallucinations. Annoying as crap, the hallucinations are in clear focus and mainly in parts of my sight that are no longer working.

Each shift in sight brings a new wave of sadness. I mourn the loss of a bit more of the world. I have to adjust the way I do things. There are new adaptations to make, tweaking the systems that I've put in place in order to function. More tactile ways of identifying the world around me.

Enough for now....

Busy week

Great Birthday. I got out and about, took a long bike ride, ate out, bought a paperweight, walked a mile and a half with Demeter. I drank an eight ounce beer with my brother-in-law, remembered why I dislike beer, it tastes awful, watched Frozen, cleaned dog vomit from three places after her share of our hamburger disagreed with her. I ordered a lightning to av connector for the iPad so I can project things onto the tv. Ate cake at four a.m. Did a bit of laundry, took a short nap, pampered myself including a mani-pedi followed by coating my feet with Vaseline and pulling on a pair of spa socks, went to bed before midnight, and awoke to the delightful sounds of a thunderstorm.

Sunday, my friend took me out for steak. We dined at a lovely restaurant overlooking a lake. Took a long walk down to the water. She and I laughed and chatted for hours. We shopped a bit, mainly goodies for me, camping supplies for her. It was altogether a really nice weekend.

Today, I've finished the laundry and ran the vacuum. The ground is still too wet to mow, so that can wait another day. The arthritis monster has arrived and is camped out in my body. I've napped a couple of times, but so far it hasn't helped. More pain pills, an early bedtime, long soaks in the tub, and the heated mattress pad are my treatments for pain. 

Received a birthday card from Hubby today. It was lovely. His message was so precious and heartfelt. Even more loving than the ones that he'd given me in the past. I cried reading it, I still am. He misses me, he misses us. Yet, I'm here because he kicked me out. He needs to decide what he wants, because it's just about too late. I can't take any more pain and hurt associated with this breakup. I'm trying my hardest to get over him, doing my best to heal, to continue going on each day. I'm learning to be alone.

The package also contained a small easel with a painting of a bouquet of flowers. Something I did not expect at all. Since he longer brings me flowers every other week, these are flowers I can enjoy for a long time.

Good news. I transplanted my cinnamon and key lime trees together into a huge pot. The key lime has had a single leaf for the past year. Now, after two weeks in it's new home, it has taken off. There are new leaves growing all over it. I'm so pleased with the change. Someday, I may end up picking limes from it.

Three eggs in the robins nest on the front porch. Added boston ferns to the porch, along with new cushions on the rocking chairs. Finished mowing today, transplanted an aloe vera. Took Demeter out for a walk, bought some Persian shields for my garden, got a burger for Demeter, and ran into an old friend and had a long chat. Good day overall, I've enjoyed it.

Enough for now....

Another evening ramble

Thursday....
Back to pain pills after a welcome hiatus from them. The weather fronts in the area are taking their toll on me today. Only managed two miles on the treadmill. Even taking long breaks every half mile, the pain was too much.

Still, I puttered around the house, straightening things up. The windows were open once the thunderstorm passed. It felt like fresh air should, brisk and breezy.

My flowers arrived today. Some of the buds are opening, and the house smells so nice. They came with a large glass vase which will be put to good use in the future. I'm considering reordering them on a regular basis. Perhaps alternating them with another standing order of flowers.

The grocery store here in town sells cut flowers. The carnations are nice, lasting a couple of weeks, but they're not always available. I've also bought a dozen roses there on three different occasions. The roses wilt and look bad in under seventy two hours. I think ordering flowers online is best for the quality.

Friday....
Was in bed by eight o'clock last night. Took a pain pill near the end of watching Vampire Diaries, knowing once it kicks in that I'm too dizzy and off balance to do anything. Demeter made me get up with her around ten thirty, and again around midnight. Her bladder doesn't understand early bedtimes.

Saturday is my birthday. Today, I received a card from my best friend, and my red riding hood figurine arrived. I took a bike ride, only using the electric assist on hills, came home to make bacon sandwiches, and then took Demeter on a long walk. We ended up at Sonic, where I got a diet soda and Demeter got an ice cream cone. She turned it down flat, no interest whatsoever, so it went in the trash. She's never turned down ice cream before. I wonder if I should worry.

Just had a long talk with my adopted dad. I miss living near him, although we've not been neighbors since the eighties. Mostly, we've lived at least a thousand miles apart over the years. Thank goodness for phones and the internet. We can still stay close. He's eighty two, loves his baseball package on cable and mild winters. 

I bought a carrot cake. Tired of baking my own birthday cakes, I've been doing that all my life. Demeter and I shared a piece earlier. Guess she just wasn't in the ice cream mood after all.

Rearranging some of the artwork around the house. No particular reason for doing it, other than the house is clean and I'm in the mood to do something, but nothing I have to think about. Make sense? Puttering for puttering's sake.

Enough for now.....

Wednesday

A pair of Robins have built a nest in my spider plant on the front porch. I sneak out and water it when they're away from their little home. It will be lovely to have baby birds close enough to see from the windows. Adding to the fun, a pair each of Cardinals and Mockingbirds have set up housekeeping in the backyard.

The trees in my yard are leafing out. Shade will be wonderful this summer. My medications all require that I avoid sunlight. The trees will make it easier for me to enjoy the outdoors. They will also keep the house cooler this summer.

With warm temperatures, I'm feeling well. Haven't taken any pain pills in awhile, and don't miss them at all. The furnace is off, electric fireplace and space heaters have been packed away for the time being. Windows are open, and the breezes are airing out the house. The back door is open so that Demeter can run in and out.

Found a nightly beauty routine which works. Two nights of retinA on my face, followed by a night of aloe vera. My skin is younger looking, the only wrinkles show up when I grin, then disappear when I stop. I stick with retinA on my neck, chest and hands every third day, and use the aloe vera the other days. Lotion daily all over. I keep my supplies in a basket along with a manicure set, so I don't forget anything.

Dusting is the only thing left on today's list. I work clockwise around each room so I don't miss any spots. The bedroom carpets still need to be shampooed. The carpet is still mostly matted in those rooms. I wonder if shampooing first will make pulling up the nap easier. Perhaps I'll try in one of the bedrooms just to see. Found a carpet groomer online, kind of like a rake with small tines. Might be simpler than using the metal dog brush on the nap.

The final box has been unpacked. That only took ten weeks.... It means that this is now home. It's permanent, I do live here. My life is here. Leaving that box full and taped shut meant there was still hope of life with Hubby in Okc. Now, I knew there was no hope of change, but that box really meant something. 

As a result of unpacking that last box, the guest room is now finished. I'd purchased a queen size frame and an eight inch memory foam mattress. Not as comfortable as the fourteen inch one in my bedroom, but extremely close. Wish I had discovered those mattresses long ago, they are so nice to sleep on. The decor includes Mom's oil paintings of the ocean, Jack Vettriano prints of the seaside, and a pair of full size mirrors. There are bookcases, great grandma's settee, and some old glassware. It's a beautiful room, and I'm looking forward to having guests.

Having company will be great. I like entertaining, and hadn't done much during the last few years. Now, I'm finding I want to begin again. Whether it's house guests or friends over for a cookout, I like hosting. 

Shopping for a swimming pool. Eighteen feet is about the most my backyard will handle and still have some privacy. Definitely an above ground, easy setup, needs a privacy screen of some sort.

I've planted morning and evening glories in huge pots along the street side of the fence. That will be a nice view blocker. I look forward to the sights and scents of the flowers covering the chain link fencing. Since five homes overlook my backyard, it will be nice to get in and out of the pool without being watched. I can't see the neighbors, just hear them, and I prefer they not see me in a swimsuit in my yard.

I want big planters around my patio furniture as well. It will feel like an outdoor room. Since I'll be spending a lot of time outside, I want to really enjoy it. I want to have a home that I love.

Enough for now.....

Tuesday evening.....

Went to my first PowWow over the weekend. I loved every moment. It was so fascinating to see a different culture, and to learn traditions, thoughts and ideas. There was so much beauty in the way everyone got along, the way they danced, and the honor and respect in everything they did.

Mowed today, and as a result, did not exercise. Using a reel mower is a workout in itself. The yard is decent sized, and had to be mowed in sections. Taking breaks between each portion helped a lot.

I ordered my birthday gifts online today. A bouquet of lilies and a red riding hood figure. One should be here by Saturday, hopefully the other will also, but I don't expect it.

This is the first year I won't be celebrating at Festival Of The Arts in Okc. It's been a tradition for years to go, and I will miss it. I loved all of the artwork, the entertainers on the stage, and the food. The food alone was worth going...

I'm using solar lighting in some rooms of the house. With three rooms of the house having only one electrical outlet, and one without any, I have to find some way to provide extra lighting. I bought several outdoor solar lights. During the day I put them in an empty flower pot outdoors. In the evening, I bring them in and put them in vases in different rooms. It seems to work fairly well. They're not real bright, but work well as night lights. sure wish I had thought of doing it years ago. 

Most of the homes I've lived in during my life have been from the 1860's to 1950's, three were from the 1920's. This house is from the early 1920's. 
I love the old houses the most. They have charm and personality that newer ones don't have. Those are the houses which feel most like home to me.

This house has rapidly become home. It's far from perfect, and that's alright. It's cozy and comfortable, my possessions look as though they were always here. I'm liking the way it looks and feels.

I'm comfortable with my choice to move back to this town. It's familiar, a small town similar to the one I grew up in. There is a strong sense of community. People are accepting of others, and are friendly. If you go down the street, or are shopping, folks stop and chat. It's nice, after being in the city, to be back in this place.

Enough for now.....

Smiling

I'm so pleased with my new hairdresser. My hair looks great and feels wonderful. Back to being a redhead, the cut is perfect. Seems I won't need to go to the city for beauty. Yippee!

Been out and about recently. Rode the etrike to the store for flowers and bread. Only using the power assist when going up hills, the knee cries and I keep going through the pain. Took Demeter for a long walk. Got my hair done, bought a soda, etc.

Opened a couple of windows today. It felt so nice to feel breezes flowing through the house. Some windows don't open, others have no screens. It may take some work to unstick the windows which do not open. I think they're painted shut.

Did some weeding in the front garden today. The hyacinths, gladiolas, and ferns are up. I need to mow tomorrow before rain hits on Sunday and makes the grass too tall.

Some of the coleus plants in the plant starter are finally coming up. I'm anxious for them to be large enough to plant in the pots and gardens.

Somehow, I managed to burn part of my neck. I think that I grabbed something other than the moisturizer I usually put on it at night. I need to label beauty products more carefully. Unfortunately, it's not the first time I've done that.

Most of the living room carpet has been shampooed. Either tomorrow or Sunday, I plan to finish the living room and hit the dining room.

The carpet is so filthy. I vacuum at least twice weekly. I've raised the nap that was matted, and that revealed even more dirt. Hopefully, the carpet shampooer will make a big difference. 

More guys are hitting on me. I get stopped by them when I'm out, they follow me when I shop. Any excuse to talk, and to ask me out. All ages, from early twenties on up. One guy I've known since he was a kid, and is the same age as my youngest son (24), even sexted me. Kind of funny.

Anyway, I'm still married. Not looking for a date, relationship, or a playmate. But, my oh my, it's wonderful for my ego. Especially with me turning fifty three in a couple of weeks....

It tells me that even though I failed at this marriage, my love life isn't over. I'm still doing something right. Still me, not allowing the rough things of the past couple of years destroy me. I've come through the storm, and I'm standing tall.