A little over 20 years ago I met my nephew, Richard. He was this adorable little fellow of 5 years who had dark hair, sparkling eyes and an engaging smile. My youngest child was 3 years younger than him and appeared to be a clone. My (ex) husband and Richard's Mom were brother and sister.

Richard and I became close immediately. I was his favorite Aunt from the very beginning, and he stole a portion of my heart from that time forward. He took my youngest child under his wing, being the only boys in that generation in the area, they spent a lot of time together and were like brothers. My daughter was as close to him as his own sisters were.

I watched him grow from a child to a teen and then to a man. He became a Husband, a Father and a Soldier. He matured and grew, but kept his love of simple things like motorcycling and hunting with his friends. He loves his family, a lovely wife and 2 little fellows who look just like him, works hard and sets a great example. He's the kind of man that any parent would be delighted to have as their own.

My youngest child, Arthur, returned from a year in Afghanistan back in March. I thought that we could all breathe a sigh of relief as Richard had already gone to Iraq, and my niece, Jenyfer, was returning from Japan.

Now Richard is leaving Thursday headed to Afghanistan, a place I had hoped that none of our children would ever go to again. After a few month's break from worry over the safety of our children, the family once again prays that one of our own will return to us intact.

The parties on Saturday were for him, a family party in the afternoon, as well as an adults only party in the evening. The evening party did get extremely rowdy. Almost everyone there was either with the military, retired from it, or had spouses and children in it. We all knew that this could be our last time seeing him, and made it a memorable occasion. 

At one point, he and I had a long, long talk. We snuggled like we used to when he was young. Now he's a foot taller than me, and I look up to him. We talked about a lot of things, family, caring, strength, love, time, hope, peace, loss. We both knew that it could possibly be our last talk, but refused to say that. Our last words to each other were "I love you".

When my daughter, Nicole, died Richard flew back from Iraq to be with us. To just wrap his arms around us all and to cry together, before flying back into a war. Saying farewell to him was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. 

Now, we've said farewell again. My heart hurts and worries for his safety. In less than 48 hours he'll be on a plane, and we'll all eagerly anticipate email, and hold our hearts in our hands whenever the news reports mention soldiers injured or killed until we once again hear from him and know that he is safe.

His wife and mother keep up a brave face, as do I. To be honest though, I cry in private. My heart belongs in part to that little guy who grew up and made us all proud. When I said I loved someone over the weekend with all of my heart, it was Richard. Just as much as I love my own children, and in the same way. Nothing ever inappropriate, the love of family members for one another.

His own little fellows also own a part of my heart. I see them and it brings back so many memories of when Arthur and Richard were little. I'm looking forward to watching them grow and change. 

Family is such a strong bond, held together by time and love and memories. It gives roots to us, connections, as well as commitments. It also gives a springboard to move through life, knowing that there is support and a place to return to when things overwhelm us.

I'm blessed in so many ways, and family is a huge portion of it.

All true...............

What an incredible weekend! I saw friends and family, power shopped, ate junk, played with a wolf, went to a baby shower, a family party, an adult party, slept in strange beds, had intense conversations, watched football, rode a few hundred miles, played with children, had a few cats in my lap napping, made friends with 9 dogs, petted horses, cuddled puppies, flirted, turned down some interesting substances, indulged in other things, went steam punk styling, strutted my stuff, played catchup with folks I've dearly missed, made Reuben rolls, wrote a loving letter, showered in different places, learned new things, saw a lot of photos, bought 3 pieces of luggage to bring home all of the clothing I'd purchased, house hunted with a friend, filmed a demon, overslept, sucked chocolate off a huge pretzel in front of strange men, used the bathroom in at least 5 different homes, posted on Facebook, called Mom, got pulled over by the cops, wished I had tried a Jell-O shot, got grinded on a few times, got lots of kisses, got hugged a lot, changed clothes several times daily, watched Gold Rush, cuddled on a huge sofa, had my picture taken several dozen times, accepted apologies, accepted compliments, forgave, told people exactly what I thought of them, defended people being gossiped about, did some illegal things (several actually), showed off an incredible new wedding ring, stopped in at an old workplace, rode in pickup trucks with gorgeous men, googled, giggled, joked, made friends, played games, watched little children play at being rock stars, loved someone with all of my heart, heard deep dark secrets, swore I'd never tell and won't, ogled a protruding chest, touched some soft things, smelled roses, played with little boys, saw drunken arguments, laughed until my jaw and stomach hurt, spoke kindly, thanked people, ate Italian, sucked on grapes, licked my fingers at every opportunity, ate something really awful and managed to convince the baker that it was great, dressed up, dressed down, gave gifts, was incredibly honest, saw the glow of happiness, stumbled several times, ran into a few things, had my hand held, said many farewells, admired a new tattoo, saw old family photos, saw portraits of my daughter in a few homes, threw a lot of balls, had my face licked several times, shook hands, learned Cherokee and Choctaw culture, learned from a young mother, renewed friendships, made plans, got decorating ideas, rested, renewed, enriched my heart and soul, and finally returned home to a warm and loving welcome.

I can't wait to do it again......

Midweek thoughts

Still recovering from the weekend. I'm slowly getting back to where I need to be. Sleeping 12 and 14 hours is returning strength to my body. Will I learn to accept that some things are beyond my abilities?

Today I brought in most of my plants for the season. Now to find places to put them all. The west windows are full as well as some of the south ones. I'm cleaning up "my room", organizing sewing projects to clear shelves by the windows to park more flowers in. The rest coming in will go to the laundry area and the guest apartment. Where on earth the tropicals will go when I get them ordered is a true mystery at this moment.

Going out of town this weekend with a dear friend who used to be my sister-in-law. A baby shower up in Claremore on Saturday morning for one of my nieces,  followed by a family party up near Owasso for my nephew who is going to Afghanistan for a year. His last couple of tours were in Iraq. Should be a lot of fun. I'll get to visit and play catchup with all of my relatives and friends up there.

I miss living close to family and friends. My youngest just got a job down near Tishimingo, so I don't know when I'll get to see him. Part of children growing up is moving on with their lives. It's freedom, responsibility and learning to be self-sufficient. I'm glad for him. He was kind of slow getting out of the nest. Joining the National Guard was really good for him.

It's late and I can't sleep. One extreme or the other where my built in clock is concerned. Last night I took a sleeping pill and was still wide awake 3 hours later. I ended up sleeping about 4 hours once it kicked in.

Hope to do some grocery shopping tomorrow. Last time I went was several weeks ago, and now we're running out of yummy things to eat and having to eat just healthy stuff (all that's left). Personally, I need a certain amount of junk in my diet. For years I described my 4 food groups as Nicotine, Caffeine, Chocolate and Salt. Healthy was the pickle on my burger, maybe a tomato slice with it. Then, I became a Mom..... Out with the unhealthy (for the most part), in with a well rounded diet. Heck, my children didn't taste soda until they were school age. Now, they're grown and gone, and if I want orange sherbet for a meal, that's okay.

Time to wrap it up for the night. There's a lot to get done tomorrow. Nothing hard, just time consuming.

New Week

The week begins fresh, lots of things to do. I have to pace myself, overdoing it on the weekend reminded me that I'm somewhat fragile. But, oh how angry I get about that. My body betrays me and I simply cannot do everything I want to do. I slept 14 hours last night and am soooo sore!

Luckily the laundry is caught up, folded and partially put away. So I must clean the bathroom, dust and clean out the fridge. Then changing bed linens and making a grocery list should take care of the majority of chores.

My housekeeping skills are slipping more and more as my sight lessens. It bothers me a lot to not see the dirt and smudges around the house. I spend a lot of time cleaning, trying to stay ahead of the game. Cleaning by touch is tougher than it sounds, or perhaps my fingers just aren't sensitive enough.

Since a dirty house is a terrible thing to waste perhaps I should throw a party..... Or not...

Only one Doctor's appointment this week (so far). I still need to bring in more plants. I have more clothing to send to Wapakoneta for my Mom. There's already a box packed and ready to go. There's more to do in getting organized and simplifying our lives.

Should be a great week, a lot to do but not difficult.

Going through Molly's things I found a lot of lace. I'm thinking about making purses for her Granddaughters out of some of it. I hope and think they would like having special keepsakes, ones that wouldn't get put away and forgotten, but would be used and loved. There are 2 Daughters-in-Law, 5 Granddaughters and 2 Great-Grandaughters to make purses for. Should be a neat project to keep busy with.

Dirty Rice for supper, simple and tasty, no effort required. Hoping the Presidential Debate doesn't interrupt Monday Night Football, bad enough they're on the same night, I sure don't want to base my voting decision on who made me more po'd over missing a football game.

It's time to go, the timer is going off and feeding darling Husband is now my priority. Night all........

And so Sunday evening has arrived. It's been a great weekend, incredibly busy, much accomplished and truly enjoyed. I'm sore and tired but still feel good.

We're winding down for the day, and I'm getting ready to make supper. Pancakes and Bacon sound tasty as well as simple to make. Sometime easy meals are the best to make.

I went to An Affair Of The Heart at the state fair grounds. My darling Husband dropped me off there with a pocket full of cash and told me to have fun. Wow! 7 buildings full of vendors, and I made it through less than 3 before wearing out. So much to try and see. I had a magnifying glass in my hand the entire time. I got some hats and scarves for Mom, who has lost her hair due to chemo. Found a neat hatband, some emu oil and some linens to make purses for me. For my Husband I found a neat cigarette case with a lighter built into it. It really bothered me to not be able to see much, there is so much that I missed. Got lost a couple of times at the fairgrounds trying to find my way back to where I was dropped off. Following the neighing of horses to the entrance that I entered earlier was how I coped. One of my doctors told me that my other senses would help to compensate for the lack of sight. Frustrating as heck, especially with uneven surfaces and unmarked curbs. Guess it is time for the white cane. Just walking is getting hard when I can't see changes in levels. My phone was dead when I went to call darling Husband to come get me. I'm really grateful to a young lady who graciously allowed me to use hers. I did it though, I finally got to go and see what it was all about.

New thing today, I began hallucinating. Pretty rough in a huge crowd. It's a normal thing called "Charles Bonnet Syndrome" where the brain is filling in the blanks from sight missing. I knew it might happen at some time, but doggone, it sure startled me when it happened. Seeing people suddenly appear just inches from my face isn't cool. I jumped and reached out and touched..... Nothing. No one there. That's how I figured it out. Sure wish it would have happened at home first so I could have reacted and adjusted in private. I can laugh about it now, but was overwhelmed at the time.

Time to wrap it up for the night. Overall the weekend was truly fun, fun, fun! The great outweighed the weird, and I'm learning that I can cope and do things without being able to see much at all. I got out and did it by myself (and with all of my new imaginary friends which are what I'm calling my hallucinations). Thank Goodness I'm easily entertained.........

Having had a day and a half to think since my day with my eye specialists I'm more relaxed in my thinking about blindness. Knowing that I will lose more sight is less frightening than spending the last 2 years not knowing what was causing it and how bad it would get.

Life won't end, and I'll still be me. Yes, I still have some worries, and I'm getting help with that. I can still have a terrific life, one that I enjoy and that is fulfilling. It's not quite the one I planned. Who knows? It may turn out to be better.

Jennifer Aniston once said (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Everything you want is just outside of your comfort zone. Everything you could possibly want".  Wise lady. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. How it is easy to give into fears, to live a safe life inside of a routine that gives comfort. I get that. Sometimes when bad things happen, and they do happen, that safe little routine can mean keeping sane. It gives a place to be where mind and body can deal with traumas without added stress. I've been there, when each day I would wake up and reality would feel like getting kicked in the gut by a mule. Just surviving from minute to minute was all that could be done. That's when the comfort of routine and ritual is needed most. Using the special coffee cup, saying prayers a certain way, closing your eyes and counting to 10. Those and so many other things get us through so that time can heal and give new perspective to life and events.

Now, I'm breaking out of my routines and rituals. Taking those steps, and some of them are scary and seem overwhelming, toward a new stage in life. Whether or not I do it I will still be blind. It would probably be easy to hide in my little world where it is safe. I wouldn't enjoy it, I'd be enduring from day to day.

 I want to have a life with no regrets, where I look back over it and think that it was so much fun that I never want it to end. I can have that life. I know that with all of my heart and soul. That each and every moment can and will be filled with delight. That I'll never want to go to bed because each day was so special that I don't want it to end. That every morning I wake up excited at the thought of a day filled with wonder. That's the life I'm going to have, the one I should have lived all along.

Lately I've been reflecting over the lives of family who have died. The lives that they lived, their hopes and dreams. The way that others remembered them, the love that carries on forever. This is part of my changing, understanding the legacies of caring, of loving others and ourselves. The dreams we have for our own lives as well as those we have for our futures. Of wanting the best of love and health and happiness for our children and our grandchildren. Remembering the dreams of childhood where we thought of our lives when we would become grown ups and parents. These things all make up my thoughts of life, of living, of celebrating each day, no matter what occurs.

Things I want to try.....

Things I want to try.....

Making Cordials

Making Purses

Growing Tropical Plants and Orchids

Creating a never fail gourmet dish (or 2)

Creating a never fail Dessert (or 3 or 4)

Learning Italian

Learning Farsi

Learning German

Learning to curse creatively in 20 languages

Losing that last 23 pounds to reach the final goal

Writing Children's Books

Hosting 2 holiday events each year (pick 2)

Smoking real Cuban Cigars (just once, okay?)

Letter Writing Regularly

Crocheting a new bedspread

Hand coloring black and white portraits (that I took)

Making truffles

Growing all of my own herbs and spices

Making a Rennfairre costume

Making a Best-Dressed List

Learning to weave on a loom

Making killer Salsa

Mastering Cake Decorating

Ballroom Dancing

Making Floor Pillows

Tie Dying Lace

Decorating Hats

Making a Dollhouse 

Embellishing Shoes

This is just the beginning.........

Treatment plans

The main part of today was spent with my eye specialists, including a new (to me) one who had seen a few cases of my disease. Very few specialists ever do, it's just too rare. She had even worked on a clinical trial for my disease, learning all that she could about it.

We discussed the disease progression, the inevitable outcome, possible treatments. I felt comfortable that she was familiar with my disease, and after discussing pros and cons of each treatment we agreed on how to begin. Note that I did not say cure, there is none and I will eventually lose more vision, possibly every bit. All that can be done is to possibly slow it down.

So, in the next couple of weeks I'll have one more multifocal ERG, a specialized test in order to get a baseline of where my retinas are in terms of damage. Then we'll begin the first course of treatment.

Treatments will destroy my immune system. For a few years I'll be unable to do many normal things like drinking tap water, eating at a buffet, being in public without protection against simple things like colds or flu. An infection could be fatal. Yuck! Worth it to see for a few more years (we hope)? Sure, grand babies faces alone are worth it. Heck, being able to watch Survivor is worth it.

I'll be meeting with a low vision specialist also, getting training to use that white cane, learning how to adapt the things I need and want to do into things I can do again. Getting ideas on how to make my life easier, thinking outside the box. Organizing better so I don't brush my teeth with Fixodent or Aloe Vera anymore. Yeah, it'll be helpful.

I've been thinking about how it is now fact that I will never drive a car again. My beloved Subaru will be sold.

Probably for the best, that way I won't be reminded every time I step into the garage. Hey, the local taxi company knows me by name now, so it'll be alright. I'll never get a traffic ticket, or have my auto insurance go up.

I will find good things to make up for the long list of cants. There are many things I've always wanted to do and try. New hobbies, new things to learn, new places to go. I'll still enjoy my life, just in different ways. I'll adapt and adjust. It'll be fun!

Seeing another life

Tonight we went to my Mother-in-Law's home to remove her things. Seeing a lifetime of living and enjoyment without Molly there along with it was strange. We were going through drawers and closets and cupboards packing things and loading them into a trailer. She was a beautiful woman who lived a lovely life. Her possessions were well loved and taken care of. 

Her many interests were easy to see, especially her love of cooking. The kitchen was neatly organized and well stocked with everything that a cook would fantasize about having within reach. Her cookbooks were stained and dogeared with frequent use over many decades. Nothing in there was for show and no sign of things bought on impulse and used once and then consigned to a little used cupboard. No, it was used and useful.

Her other hobbies were everywhere. OSU was heavily featured all over the house. She and her husband had season tickets to the football games, and looked forward to going to all of the home games. An empty candy box in her bedroom contained ticket stubs from a game last December.

She loved to sew and I saw a lovely vest stitched with flowers and patterns in the same color (cream). The detail was just astonishing and the craftsmanship showed many long hours by a skilled seamstress.

Her clothing was breathtaking. Fine fabrics, lovely colors and styles, it was like being in a high end department store. Every article reflected her taste and style. It was easy to see that she was extremely stylish and took great pride in her appearance. Leaning into her closet I could smell her perfume and could almost see her there.

By the time I knew her she'd had Alzheimer's for many years. Her caretakers made sure she was still dressed as nicely as when she'd known herself. She was beautifully groomed. Her hair, nails and makeup always perfect.

Looking over her home, I missed her a lot. I thought of her life and the sense of her style. I also wondered what will be thought of my life when family goes through my things when I die. Will my style be as lovely and admirable? Will the things gone through reflect who I am? Will it show a happy life well lived?

Losing a child

When you lose a child you enter and exist in a strange world. People develop amnesia as far as your child is concerned. No one seems to remember that you even had a child, much less that she was a part of the family. She's removed from the family calendar that one of the relatives gives out for a Christmas present each year. Your nieces no longer come visit. When you go to the graveyard there are never any flowers on her grave. There are plenty on her grandparents' grave just 4 spaces over. On the holidays no one mentions her name at family gatherings. Her father has never been to her grave. 

Friends are just as bad. They disappear from your life as though your child's death may be contagious. They don't want to take a chance or see what happens when a child dies. It frightens them because it could just have easily been their child. Once the funeral is over the last contact you have with them is the Thank You card that you send for the flowers. 

Her fiancé's new fiancé was upset a couple years later that I wouldn't hire her. Well gee freaking whiz, did she think that seeing her everyday as my daughter's replacement would just be ducky? Was I supposed to see her and Spencer together every day, living the life that was supposed to be my daughter's? I was glad that Spencer had someone special to love again, but wasn't ready to have it rubbed in my face that their family wouldn't be my grandchildren. That the Christmases that they had wouldn't be at our home, that the little ones wouldn't ever open presents in front of me, that they would never hug me and call me Grandma. Unfair of me? Perhaps.

My daughter's so called friends were even worse. One of them stole her clothes and the jewelry she'd been given from Great Grandma. She stole the beautiful wedding dress that I had taken my daughter shopping for and purchased shortly before her death. Even her wedding rings that we had just bought were stolen by her friends. Some of her friends stole pictures of her from her funeral. I'd have happily made them copies of the pictures.  

It's truly a nightmare world to exist in. You can make new friends, but watch them get weird when they discover your child has died. Unless they too have lost a child, and then there is understanding. 

2 of my sister-in-laws still talk about her, she adored them as much as they adored her. My Mom still talks about her. Grandma still cries every time I talk to her more than 6 years after Nicole died. It hurts, but she still needs to cry, and I let her. I cried the day that my child died and couldn't again for almost 4 years.

I keep photos of Nicole up all over the house, as many as there are of her brothers, her step-brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. 

I refuse to hide my child's existence in a box. She was and is part of the family. She lived, she laughed, she loved, she cared, she worked, she studied, she learned, she grew, she shared, she enjoyed, she loved her life. She was....................

My life

Looking for tropical plants for our backyard..... Each year our yard has been enhanced and added to with permanent plantings like trees, bushes, vines and perennials. I usually fill in the blank spots with annuals, but the summer heat tends to wreak havoc on a lot of the plants.

I know, we're in zone 7 and most of them won't survive our (mostly) mild winters. That's what planters are for, and it looks as though I'll be using a lot of them. Okay by me, I'll find (make) room for them indoors in the winter time. Between the garage, house, guest apartment and laundry I can make do. I want the huge, lush flowers and plants that I remember from St. Kitts, New Orleans, Galveston, Las Vegas and Southern California. I want the colors and the exotic smells that say Paradise. I want lemon, lime and fig trees that I can pick fruit from. My Amazon wish list has almost 200 kinds of plants and seeds. That's before even looking at bulbs. 

Finding things like that while I still have a little sight is important to me. To make things as beautiful as I can while I can. I would like to start collecting orchids too, they are so lovely, and each so different from the run of the mill plants. I have bags full of hyacinth bulbs that I want to plant indoors, staggering the planting dates so that there are always a couple of them blooming and smelling fabulous. Just fun, and beautiful as well. If they grow well I plan to do that with other bulb plants too.

My world has gotten so much smaller since losing sight. I live in a lovely little home with my Darling Husband and our pets, a cat and a dog. We have an incredible back yard that we devote countless hours to. It's the kind that really surprises people when they see it, definitely not the type that you find in the middle of a large city. One really neat thing is the way it winds around and there is no place where all of it can be seen at one time so there are a lot of surprises as you walk around. There pis a rose garden, 2 patios, a wooded area with ivy growing underneath that appears to be part of a forest, a wall of honeysuckle that blooms almost continuously year round, walls of ivy, and so very much more. I love spending time in it, just puttering among the plants, keeping track of what does well in each location as well as what needs changing and adjusting. Each year it improves more and more. 

We love it here, it's comfortable, we have everything we need, including spaces of our own. Having a room of my own just for hobbies, exercise, curling up with a cup of tea is great. I dreamt of having my own space for so long, decades where the house was full of children and space was tight, where I might have a kitchen corner if I was lucky. 

We're trying to be able to go places more often. Art shows and the Renaissance Fairs are places we do make special effort to go to. This weekend I plan to attend An Affair Of The Heart at the fairgrounds. I've wanted to go for years and something managed to interrupt my plans each and every time. Well, this time I'm going. I may not see much, but I'll see all that I can of it.

So, this is most of my world. The place where I live and love and dream. Where I can just be myself. This is the place where I create my life, where I'm happy and where peace and contentment are. It's a place where I can find what I want and need, where I cannot get lost, where I know every part by touch. Where it's okay to not be able to see, and where I can safely adjust to being blind. It's a place where no one will laugh if I try and fail, where there are no pitying looks, but there is help when I ask for it. And I want to do it myself, no matter what "it" is. Independence has always been such a huge thing in my life, I don't want to give it up, not all of it. 

I want to live normally, gardening, keeping house, cooking and baking (and my annual candy making), enjoying hobbies, listening to music and sports, playing with my grandchildren, entertaining, traveling from time to time, and just spending time with the most amazing man I've ever known. I want to enjoy, to play, to laugh and giggle, to have fun. I really do love my life, and while there are challenges, it's still great.

Pizza on the way, football on TV, it must be Saturday night in Oklahoma. Yeah, we worship the pigskin here, and thanks to cable, we don't miss much of it. 2 Oklahoma games and 2 Indiana games make for a great day.  So far we saw OU kick the business out of the Longhorns, Notre Dame is playing, OSU has a rain delay, Indiana will (hopefully) stomp Ohio State later. Wish I could see it, but I just pretend I'm a kid again, listening to it on the radio.

So far, sports games are the easiest part of adjusting to being blind. I grew up with 5 TV channels, so almost all sports games were on the radio.

We ran some errands earlier between thunderstorms and took Demeter with us. She loves drivethru windows. At the drugstore she gets dog cookies when we pick up prescriptions. To her, it's so neat to stop and get something of her own when we get items.

So far this weekend has been good. Sleep has been getting back to normal, and I feel much better, physically as well as mentally. Medicine side effects play hell with me. Every day is a roller coaster of them, dizzy, lethargic, nauseated, sleepy, fuzzy brained, frustrated and crappy. Like the seven dwarves, but not cute or funny.

Tomorrow promises to be a great day. No place we HAVE to go and nothing we HAVE to do. Just a day to ourselves. I love those times. We just spend time together and have fun no matter what we do.

Time to go and enjoy Saturday night..........

Busy Tuesday

The latest box of goodies is on it's way to Wapakoneta. I really enjoy using UPS. Everything arrives quickly and safely that I send to Mom. Each box crammed full of goodies to eat, treat, and entertain her. With chemo still ongoing I figure she might enjoy piles of books, movies and magazines. Craft items for when she feels up to it, and other fun things.

I got my copy of Cinderella today, hopefully will get to watch it later this week when it's raining. My old copy only works on the computer, so I don't see much on the screen. I'm excited to get a chance to see it on the TV where the screen is big enough to make out all of the details.

Brought in a couple plants from the gardens so far. They are much larger in the house than they look in the yard. It's going to be tough to find places for all of the rest of them. What's funny is that I had to move curtain rods to well outside of the window frames in order to get enough sunlight for them.

Went to a cute little thrift store this afternoon. Found skeins of yarn for a dollar each, and tons of fabric for making purses. Fun, fun, fun! Also found some books that Mom has been wanting, and some jeans that make my long legs even longer. The yarn and books are enough to fill another box for Mom. 

Almost forgot, I got some new stuffed "babies" for Demeter. Gotta love new stuffed animals with the tags still on them being sold for a quarter each. This means that I can retire the ones that she has literally loved to pieces.

Taking it easy this evening, watched Cinderella and ate KFC for dinner. Now the dog and I are having some green grapes. She sucks on them and savors them. The other day I gave her a green olive and she couldn't figure out what was wrong with her grape.

The weekend has ended, the house is quiet, and I can't sleep. That's okay though. In a minute I will crawl back in bed and snuggle under the covers.

Today I felt good. Stopping the medicine that has caused all of my recent sleep has me on a much more even keel. I did take a short nap, and felt rested afterwards.

Tomorrow I hope to finally get my bike out again, to feel up to riding and enjoying some fresh air.

Enough for tonight.......

Staying in touch

My closest friends on earth are in Indiana. One was born 2 days before I was, the other 3 years later. I saw them both last year when I was up there for a visit. The thing I really love about them is that when we speak or see each other it's as though no time has passed. Seeing them last year was the first time we'd been together since moving to Oklahoma in 1998. I love the fact that we're all on Facebook, a place where we can chat and keep up with each other. Just being able to know that the special people in our lives are a mouse click away is something so very precious. Seeing the photos of one's grandchildren growing is fun. When I was up there the twins were 14 weeks old, the other boys were 18 months and 4 years old. I got to spend a day just cuddling and playing with the babies and getting to know their Mother, who had been a little girl the last time I saw her. That was one of the very best days of my life. Now I see them growing and changing and each photo reminds me of that day.

My family and friends are scattered all over the world, the closest are 100 miles away, the farthest are in HongKong. With the Internet I do get to be close to them. Making new friends is a great thing, brings new experience and perspective to my life. Then again, the people who knew you growing up, who share your life, your history, are truly priceless. The shared stories, jokes, family are things that people you meet later in life don't have. Maybe just a comfort zone, a past is the springboard to move forward and make new connections, new stories, etc.

Wow! Cool weather is here. I turned on the furnace, and spent part of today packing away my warm weather clothing. No more shorts or sundresses for me until next year. The coats, hats and gloves are all in the front entry closet, ready for their first outings.

Made a pot of chili today, lots of meat and sauce with a few red beans thrown in. I make it really thick like a stew. Dad used to make it every Tuesday when we were kids, but his was more like a soup. Good, just different from mine.

Today was great. Only slept 11 hours last night and woke up feeling wonderful. No vertigo at all today. That's a first since 2010, and pure heaven in my book. No more nausea, just regular dizziness. I can live with that!

Tonight I'm just enjoying feeling good, it's such a change for me. I'm wanting to get out in the next few days and ride, to have some fun, to be part of life. This is my time. Time to play, to make up for the past couple of years when I was too sick to do much of anything. I'm going to be.

Fall is coming

Keeping lights on 24/7 bugs me. Not being able to see when they're off bugs me more. It takes more and more light in order to see, but make it too bright and I'm blind in another way. Sheesh! On the plus side, I look fabulous in hats and sunglasses. Makes being stylish easy when I'm going out during the day.

Ready to pot up some of my more delicate plants and bring them in for the winter. One of the coleus is almost 4 feet tall, the begonias are huge and will require big pots. There are 7 big palms I'll have to find a winter spot for, as well as some wandering Jews and Boston ferns, 4 or 5 of each. Those are the main ones to bring in. It will be a big job to find places for them all. The kitchen herbs growing in the rescue mission need to come in as well. So nice to pick what I need to cook with.

So, it's going to be real Fall weather this weekend. A high of 49 on Saturday and lows in the 20's and 30's. Sleeping weather, but I'm sleeping all of the time now. 12 hours last night, a 2 hour and a 1 hour nap so far, and time for a nap during the debate before bed.

Hard to believe that Summer is really over and that in a couple of days we'll be in warm coats and running the furnace for the first time since early February. You truly know that cold weather is here when you smell the stink that is the first time a furnace is on for the season.

Okay, I'm watching the debate. Both candidates have some well thought out ideas and plans. I do appreciate the fact that both are behaving as gentlemen and using their good manners. So pleasant compared to their ads on television that only bad mouth each other. I've been deciding who to vote against, now I'm trying to decide who to vote for.

Horizontal Day

Tired of all medicines, of being dizzy and nauseated, of being without the levels of energy I know I have without the RX roller coaster. You know, I wouldn't mind the dizziness if it was anything like the 70's type of "dizziness", but NO, I just get the lay on the floor and want to die kind of dizzy. The only good thing about being on the floor while the world spins is enjoying the new carpet.

Woke up at 6:14 to a neighbor firing up his motorcycle. If it took him 10 minutes for it to warm up in 60 degree temps, just imagine the hour or two it will take when we're in the 20's and 30's?!!

There is a lot I want and need to get done today. A pile of tools are in the garage needing to be put away. The guest apartment is overdue for it's weekly dusting. And, oh joy, the cat box needs scooping. There are also cupboards to go through, clothes to put together into outfits so I can find things easier. I need a better way to store purses and hats, etc.

Fortunately there is no place I must go today, I can clean around the house and rest. Note to self, gotta get better, there's way too much resting going on without feeling rested. If I could go for 24 hours without the vertigo I'd be much more content. Someday I'm going to find that the back of my head is flat from all of the time spent on the floor while the world spins around me.

Feeling somewhat better since writing the above almost 8 hours ago. Still keeping to the floor for the most part and hoping for a more vertical day tomorrow. 

Will soak in the tub tonight with my Disney Princess bubble bath, just 'cause I can. Still working on having that happy childhood, and yes, I like to play and do girly things like mountains of bubbles. Too many years of quick showers make soaking in the tub so enjoyable and relaxing, and I appreciate just relaxing with a glass of tea, a book or the iPad, candles and soft music playing. The children are grown and gone so no one will beat on the door and interrupt a very pleasant hour.

Goodnight all....