Tuesday

I ordered an electric fireplace and a couple space heaters. Even though it will be much warmer when they arrive, it will be nice to have them next winter. I don't ever want to be this cold again. Having to wear multiple pairs of heavy men's socks is unacceptable.

I'm so ready for spring. Warm weather is something I miss greatly. I keep thinking of what I'd like to plant in the flower beds in the front yard. It will be shady most of the day. Since the house is white with gray trim, I'd like to go with purple plants and flowers. Japanese ferns, Persian shields, purple basil, purple and pink impatiens, etc.

This morning is warmer than it has been in the past few days. 27 when I checked. Finally, we're past the cold weather nightmare.

I've been here less than a month. In some ways it feels as though I've been here much longer. My home is set up. I can find most things easily. With other items, I just sigh and say, eventually.... Light switches hang me up, I know they're there, just not where.

It's a lovely home. Just because I can't see what my things look like doesn't mean I cannot remember each piece. I want to live in a beautiful place, to know my surroundings suit me. 

Another death in the family. A relative died yesterday after shoveling snow. My heart is broken for my husband, his Aunt, and the rest of the family. Hubby and I have been messaging back and forth over it. 

Today, I plan to do as little as possible. I awoke crying in pain due to arthritis acting up. Moving around and walking hurts my joints and bones dreadfully. Every bone I've ever broken, each damaged joint is shrieking. Taking a pain pill was a lesson in futility. I'm curling up on the love seat with breaks to soak in the tub until I feel better.

Many days, I can get along without pain pills. I still hurt, but can function as long as I'm careful. Other days, I just try to survive until the next dose. Worse, the pills take the edge off, not much more. I've rarely been pain free since 2001. 

A good day where I can function balances out with many bad days. Good days are to be taken advantage of so life doesn't fall apart completely. The bad days come, whether or not I do anything on a good day. Sad, but I've learned to navigate through by keeping lists of everything which must be done, and then busting through it.

What's sad is that bad days are not laziness. I want to do things. I want to go places. I want a life where I can do what I want and need to do, when I want to.