Saturday Night

And so, another Saturday has been enjoyed. We just finished a dinner of Papa John's Pizza, and are watching OSU football.

Earlier today I suddenly felt like I'd hit a wall, laying down for a long nap helped. I'm not sure just what happened to cause it, there were no real reasons to have made it happen.

I rode with my Husband when he went to work this afternoon. When we got there I ran across the street to Bohemian Spirit Vintage. That store is fabulous, full of the most darling clothes. Leaving there with a bag containing a black needlepoint purse, a lovely cream sweater, and 3 vintage dresses still has me smiling. It's so much fun to wear vintage clothing. The best compliment is when women look me over and state "You do not shop here in Oklahoma City", and then they want to know where I shop.

Yesterday was my first adventure with my new 3 trike. I ventured a mile and a half west from home, and then headed east. Found some beautiful containers and matching bags for shopping at Michael's Craft Store. They work perfectly in the big wire basket on the back of the trike. Using them means that things won't fall through the wires.  It felt so amazing to be able to just go riding, to be on my own, exploring, buying a soda on my way home. How I've missed that feeling, independence, fresh air. When I got dizzy I was able to pull over and wait for it to pass. That made me feel good, when I'm out walking and get dizzy I have to sit on the ground or a curb. There are very few sidewalks in this part of town, so grass or the street are my choices.

I'm packing another box for Mom, it's so much fun to fill one with all kinds of treats, knowing that she'll have a ball opening it and going through everything. This time there are magazines from Stampington, Vogue (the italian one), and HGTV, books, movies, clothing, candy, groceries, a package of Christmas cards, gift bags and coordinating tissue paper, new manicure sets, sleeping masks, journals, drawing paper, and craft materials. If I left out anything, it's because I forgot what else is in there.

I'm trying to figure out a way to make it easier for her to get out and shop. She doesn't have a lot of energy, has to be on portable oxygen when she's not at home, and doesn't have the strength to lift and carry groceries. Some things she really prefers to buy herself, fresh fruits, etc. Her little town has no taxi service, so it may take some doing to get her fixed up. Shoot, I'll figure it out.

Enough for tonight.........

Heaven on earth

Ah, the evening is here. Dinner was rotini, with meatballs and sauce. Parmeasan breadsticks and, afterwards for dessert, key lime pie.

Relaxing now after a long day of cleaning house. I managed to get the front and rear patios cleaned this morning before the rain arrived. The rain gauge said we got over 3 inches last night. It stormed pretty much all day today, something so very welcome. The drought has ended finally, and we're to enjoy more rain over the next couple of days.

Today was truly special, the kind fairy tales are made of. Was it merely coincidence that my shirt read "happily ever after"? My Darling Husband came home with a huge bouquet of stargazer Lillies and roses. That alone qualifies as oh, soooo romantic! The fact that he brings me a bouquet of them every other week makes it even more romantic, as well as making me feel so loved and treasured. Then, after giving them to me, he got down on one knee and asked me for the honor of loving me forever. With that, he then placed on my finger a huge diamond. He makes me feel so loved, adored, treasured and precious. I am so blessed to have him in my life. Meeting and marrying him has been the most wonderful thing, every day is special. I love my life, it's an adventure, a slice of heaven right here on earth.

Rainy Wednesday

And, once again it's Wednesday evening. My chair is next to the TV so I can watch Survivor. Did not get a lot done today. Errands, a trip to see a new doctor, laundry and kitchen cleaning were all I could handle. At this rate Fall Housecleaning may not begin until January.

My new trike arrived yesterday, about an hour after the email saying it had been shipped arrived. I got to ride it last night after my Husband put it all together for me. Today I bought some locks for it so that I can park it and go into stores without worrying about it being stolen. Hopefully, the new basket will arrive in the next few days.

I look forward to tomorrow, the rain will make everything seem fresh and new. I need to clean off the patios in the morning, the recent winds have stripped the next door neighbor's tree and deposited it at our house.

Have not been outside enough in awhile. Wearing a hat, sunglasses and covering from head to toe (thank you medicines for making me unable to be exposed to sunlight) is difficult in hot weather. Tonight it is raining, the thunder has rumbled continuously for the past hour. Sounds lovely, there is something about nighttime storms that is so appealing. The rain, bolts of lightning and the thunder make being in a cozy home wonderful. I call it "cocoa weather".

Tomorrow will be here soon enough, so I'd better wind down. Will be trying new nighttime lotions on my face before bed, hoping that they will restore that look of being under 21 (okay, under 30) that the ads tempt every woman with crows feet around their eyes with. Here's to waking up decades younger...........

Great Monday!

So much accomplished for a Monday..... I'm really proud of myself. Cleaning, laundry, linens, floors, gardening, the Christmas closet weed out, cleaned the kitchen, went to the store, made a doctor's appt., watered plants and washed rugs. Oh yes, almost forgot, I de-furred the fur-niture. I'm tuckered out, my feet are up, and I'm thinking of a nap. 

Demeter and I need to have a heart to heart. I spent an hour removing her fur from one of my sweaters while she grinned at me with her doggy tongue hanging out. Then, to add insult to injury, she waited until I'd swept the kitchen floor and then sneezed in the pile of dirt just before I reached it with the dustpan. I love her dearly, but sometimes..........

I ordered a red tricycle, adult-sized, along with a pretty handlebar basket. Being unable to drive a car anymore, I'm really feeling cooped up. This will give me some freedom to come and go as I please. Just to run to a store or the library on my own will be wonderful. It's also a change from the treadmill and exercise ball for fitness, I'll get more fresh air.

The news is on, I try to keep up with what is going on, but refuse to look at it other than the weather. The elections can't come soon enough for me, all of the attack ads are just too much. There aren't any ads saying anything good about any candidate, every commercial attacks and bad mouths the other guy. I really don't want to vote for anyone who conducts his or her self in such a shameful manner.

Tonight I'll enjoy Monday Night Football with my Husband, we'll play catchup on our days and relax for awhile. Green Bay is playing, so it'll be fun. Then again, all Monday Night football games are enjoyable. Makes Monday worth the effort.

Mom had a great weekend at home. Just not being awakened several times nightly for vitals let her rest much better. She liked having her things around her, peace and quiet, being able to stay up with the TV on if she wanted to. Today she began chemo again. Three weeks on and one off again. I hope it works. She's not ready to checkout, and I'm not ready for her to either. We plan to chat every couple of days for decades more.

State Fair!

We went to the State Fair! I saw very little of it, and yet saw so much. We never did find the photography and home ec exhibits or go on any rides. Still there was so much to do and so many things to experience. The car show was one of the first things we saw. The new Mustang was absolutely drool worthy. Doggonit, I miss driving!

We did dress up in old fashioned clothing and had our portraits done. I was delighted with all of the choices of costumes and poses. Dressing in fishnet stockings and a saloon girl costume was so out of character for me, and I had an absolute blast in front of the camera. Seeing my Husband dressed up in western wear, holding a shotgun was hitting the "wow factor". He's growing a goatee and it worked so well with his costume, he really looked like he belonged in the old west.

We saw baby alpacas as well as butterflies emerging from their cocoons. I ate two corn dogs, which were two corn dogs too many. That was about as exotic as my experience with RoachCoach dining got today. The crowds in the buildings were overwhelming. Just a huge sea of humanity all swarming from booth to booth. Everything was for sale, from storm shelters to bellydance costumes to caterpillars. It was so much fun listening to the carnies cajoling people to come try games, and hearing the demonstrators with the miniature microphones attached to their heads hawking mixers, cookware and who knows what all. I imagine that most of the folks sitting in the seats in front of them were merely cooling off and relaxing in the airconditioning.

I felt like a child again. The sights, sounds and smells all associated with fairs is something that brings memories long since tucked away. My Grandparents lived in a small town, and their house was a block from the fairgrounds. We'd go to the fair every year as well as an Antique Tractor and Engine Show that was a huge annual event. Seeing the antique tractor display this afternoon reminded me of many happy hours spent with my hand tucked into Grandpa's wandering among the tractors. I could almost smell the apple butter that was made in a huge kettle. Grandpa has been gone for 38 years, but for awhile I could hear his voice and his laughter. Love never dies, and souls live throughout eternity. His reached out and touched mine for a short time today. I know he was with me if only for a while, and I smiled...

We found a vender with all sorts of old fashioned candies. When you go in you're handed a big basket to put things in as you wander through. I ended up getting almost ten pounds of candy in individual pieces as well as rock candy on sticks, coconut bars, candy cigarettes (that's a blast from the past!) and stick candy. I sure won't buy any Halloween candy this year with this stash in the house. 

Candy and portraits were the only souvenirs that we bought, but we sure made some memories today.

 I love going places with my Husband. He makes every trip we take so much fun and an adventure. We've travelled and seen so many things, all of them memorable. I get excited when he starts googling maps of places, because I know he'll show me new things and places, and that I will get to have experiences that I've not had before. 

Tonight we dined at Romano's Macaroni Grill. The food, service and atmosphere are superb every time. We were taking my Husband's Step-Mother out for her birthday. She is such a fun lady, we laugh a lot when we're together. As far as mother-in-laws go, she's a great one. I really enjoy her company.

Today was truly special, and I'll treasure the memory of it. Just a weekend day, the sort of which I want to enjoy again.  The fun, laughter and companionship are what makes life worthwhile.

It's My Time

Having answers to the ancient query of "why can't Suzanne see?" means that I can drop my stress levels to none at all. There are treatments to slow, stop and perhaps reverse damage done to my sight. Hope is such a profound thing. It can change your entire reality. 

The life I want to live is right in front of me. It's there, calling to me, just within touching distance. All that is left to do is to step forward, just lift my foot up from my comfort zone and go. To be the person I've dreamt of and planned and wished for from the time I was a little girl. That person is still a part of me. She's waited quietly while I grew up and became an adult. While I did as society expected, raised my family, worked, was active in volunteer groups. She has whispered and shouted at me for decades, telling me that there is more to life, that special things don't need to be an afterthought, that treating myself as someone truly wonderful and amazing and deserving of delightful things is more important than cleaning house or keeping up with the neighbors. I have ignored her for far too long, not permitting her to live the life that was so carefully planned and anticipated so very long ago. I let myself call her silly and childish for longing to live happily, loving every single day of my life. I told myself that life was full of musts and shoulds and that fun and pleasure were only afterthoughts to perhaps have for mere moments when time and opportunity allows. I put myself last after home and family and work, feeling guilty if i did special things for myself. Knowing that I had no business doing what I wanted when there was so much else to be done for others. I ran myself ragged, went without, wore cheap clothes and shoes, went hungry, lost sleep, went without warm clothes in the winter, and let my various jobs and responsibilities take over every part of me. Enough already, it's her/my/our turn to have the life I want, that should have been happening all along. That part of me is finally able to come out, to sing and dance, to laugh and cry and play. She is ready to live, and I'm ready now to be her. It's time to enjoy, to do only things that please me. If I want to spend the rest of my life gardening, reading, cooking, traveling or doing anything else I want, it's not only okay, it's also wonderful.  To love and live fully is a treasure. So what if I'm blind? I can live with that. It just means that I'll have to adapt and adjust somewhat to compensate for the lack of sight, but it will be on my terms and done my way. The life I love begins today, my future is now........

Great News

Finally an answer. After 2 long years of steadily losing sight, tests, consults with experts, and one doctor suggesting that I had hysterical blindness because he couldn't find out what was wrong, we have a diagnosis. It's AutoImmune Retinopathy, which basically means that my immune system has attacked my retinas and is destroying them. The great thing is that there is no cancer and that there are treatments to slow down and/or stop the progression of it. Just getting results is such a relief. 

When we left the eye specialist's office we went out for lunch. Ann's Chicken Fry on Route 66 is just a couple of miles from our house. I had my usual, a club sandwich and fries. My darling Husband had chicken fried steak, one of his favorite meals. It's always a great time when we go there.

We arrived home around 2 o'clock. Couldn't go to the fair because my eyes were dilated. Disappointing, but there are two days left to attend it. I curled up with beanbag chairs and floor pillows and took a three hour nap. You could say that I slept the stress away. This evening I feel much better.

I called Mom to see how she's settling in at home. The council on aging folks have set her up with home health aides, visiting nurses, a therapist, meals on wheels, free eye and dental care, etc.  Just knowing that she has people with her everyday to assist her with her daily needs is a blessing.

She got the box I sent to her today. I get so tickled when she discovers what is inside them. It's kind of like Christmas for her. She adored the new clothes. I was crossing my fingers on that. She has lived in sweats for the last couple of decades. They were comfortable as well as affordable. When you have a lot of health problems having easy things to wear is important. I agree with that. I also think that when the clothing you wear is not just comfortable but also beautiful and stylish you feel better mentally and physically. I'll be sending her more each time just to make her smile....

Wednesday 'round the house

Back to the Doctor's office in OKC this Friday for the official diagnosis and treatment options, etc. I got most of the information from my other eye Doc in Dallas. So, I have a day and a half of normalcy (or what passes for it) left before I officially become a rare disease. Oh freakin' boy!

So, tomorrow night we'll dress up and go out to dinner. Not sure where we'll go but it will be someplace pretty nice. Hopefully they'll have one of my two favorite desserts, key lime pie and carrot cake. Either one will make me happy, as well as make the diet worthwhile.

Mom returns to her apartment from the nursing home tomorrow. I'm really excited for her. She's been gone for 3 months. Wow! Just realized that her fridge will be a nightmare of spoiled food. On Friday UPS will deliver a huge box of goodies to her. I sent her books, movies, yarn, embroidery hoops, things to embroider, new clothes, yarn, candy and other treats. I'd love to see her face as she goes through it all.

Back to sorting through closets. I have a nearly empty one in a spare bedroom. Next week I'll finish weeding through the Christmas boxes and put what we're keeping in the empty closet. That will free up our front closet so it can be used as a coat closet. This will be a great accomplishment to me, I've been putting it off for a long time. I start on the Christmas items and just stress out after a very short time. Time to buckle down and get it out of the way.

I managed to go through my books again and cull another 50 or so. Most will go on the bookshelves in our guest apartment, the rest I'll probably donate to the local library. I swear that books breed when I'm not looking. I'll set one down next to my desk and the next thing I know, there are 5 or 6 more with it. 

I went to the grocery store with my list and magnifying glasses as well as my 8 x 10 magnifier. It took over 4 hours to get everything. It's hard to shop for things when you can't see them. Some things I got wrong and will live with until I shop again. Every 3 to 4 weeks is about all that I can handle. I did indulge myself and bought a couple of African violets. They do better without bright light, like me.

I saw Halloween as well as Christmas items up in the store. Autumn doesn't begin until Saturday. The news people yesterday announced that there are only 14 more Fridays until Christmas. Heck, I'm still enjoying summer. I'm sure not ready for holidays yet.

Ever looked in the mirror?

Have you ever looked in a mirror and seen nothing? That's what I saw in low light the other day. It was overcast and I did not have the bathroom light on. I didn't see the shower curtain, bath sheets on their hooks, or me. Just darkness, nothing at all. I know I was facing the mirror and my eyes were open.

I keep lights on when it's overcast now as well as all night. It's too difficult to deal without seeing at all, I'm far from ready to be in darkness, seeing nothing. It's too hard to come to terms with no sight.

I wonder if it isn't better to lose all sight at once, to come to terms with it, adjust and get on with life. As it is, I lose some sight, find that I can't do certain things, learn new ways to cope, accept it...... And then lose more sight. So it begins again. There's anger, denial, grief, bargaining and acceptance. Every single time. The doctors have been trying for 2 years to find out why I'm going blind, and I lose more sight almost daily. Frustration, too. Lots and lots of frustration.

My world has shrunk immensely. My adorable little gray Subaru sits in the garage, unused unless I loan it to a family member. There are a year and a half of payments left on it. I had only had it for 5 months before I started losing sight. I miss driving, just jumping in the car and going places. Now I have to ask for rides to the doctor, library or grocery. I don't like asking to be taken out so I can window shop, it would tie up too much time for whoever is driving me. I miss just being able to run down the street for a soda, to go antiquing, even going to work. 

I miss working so much, being with people, keeping busy, interacting with the public. It's so hard to not be able to do that anymore. I felt sure of myself, confident, as well as competent. I felt as though I was accomplishing a lot each day, and I was. I had a great job that I loved, managing a store. It was sometimes hard, but I saw that as a challenge. I sure miss it.

Sometimes it feels like I'm having one huge pity party. Perhaps I am. The constant adjustment to less and less sight is really getting to me. My freedom is rapidly disappearing. There is so much I still want to see, to go and do. Will the doctors find out what is causing the vision loss? Is it something that can be slowed down or stopped? Will I lose all of it, or most? What, if anything, can be done?

Saturday thoughts

Napping on a Saturday afternoon. How much better can life get? I love being able to nap from time to time, it's such an indulgent thing to do. Dragging a couple of beanbag chairs and a few floor pillows into the middle of the room and just snuggling until I have the perfect nest made.

The house is scented with stargazer lillies and roses. Every other week my darling Husband brings me a huge bouquet of them. It's so romantic and loving. I still feel amazement and delight every time he brings them to me.

Not sure what we'll do this evening, it's cool and damp from the much needed rain we've received over the last few days. Perhaps catch up on some TV.

I'm reading "Coping With Vision Loss" hoping to learn some new skills to deal with less sight. Most of the author's advice is just common sense. Things like get closer and use a magnifying glass. Perhaps I'll find a few nuggets of wisdom that I can use.

The nap I took was almost too short, still feeling fuzzy brained and moving slowly. Trying to map out what I want to accomplish this coming week, and while there is a lot I wish to do, it's mostly organizing and cleaning. Sort of a pre-cleaning before tackling the big Fall Housecleaning. Mainly the organizing is part of weeding out items and simplifying, so there will be less to clean overall.

Well, off for now, Saturday night is here........

Friday already

The weekend is here again. It seems that we blink on Monday morning and it's suddenly Friday afternoon. 

Hubby has to work tomorrow, and I may go in with him in the afternoon so I can visit my favorite vintage clothing store across the street. It's called Bohemian Spirit Vintage, owned by a lovely lady named Amy. It's so much fun to see fashions that I wore when I was younger. It's even more fun to try things on from my Mother's and Grandmother's generation. I love the sheath dress styles from the 60's and early 70's.

Today my Grandma turned 90, hard to believe she's that old. I called her up in Wapakoneta, Ohio and we talked for over an hour. She had a stroke last week and just got to return home yesterday. She had no idea why she had been in the hospital, just that they let her leave. She has a visiting nurse, home health aide, and meals on wheels to help her remain independent awhile longer. Mom will probably have the same thing when she leaves the nursing home and returns to her apartment next week. This is Mom's week off from chemo, and then it will begin again a week from Monday.

We're trying to figure out the best day to go to the state fair, with rain and my niece being baptized this Sunday we'll probably not make it until sometime next week. I'm excited about going, this will be my first trip to a state fair. I want to see everything, eat junk, and have fun.

My back is healing, and I'm so grateful. Once the muscle relaxers made the spasms stop around the pulled muscle I could begin to get better. It feels great to not hurt. 

No test results on my eyes yet. They should have some answers for me next week, if only to tell me that they're still testing and that some diseases have been ruled out. I hope so......

'another day came and went

The end of another day is here. My back is healing, slowly but surely, and I'm extremely grateful. Ready to feel as normal as possible again. There are things I want and need to do.

Time is such a gift, and easily taken for granted. I want to spend mine laughing, playing and having fun. I don't want to regret not enjoying myself as much as possible.

The state fair begins tomorrow. This will be my first one ever to go to, and I'm really excited. I want to see exhibits, ride the carousel, and eat weird stuff like fried snickers bars. I also want to people watch as much as I am able to.

On Friday my Grandma will turn 90.  She's old and frail, has heart failure and Alzheimer's, but she won't slow down. I get a real kick out of her. My Aunt will pick Grandma up and take her out to get her hair done, run errands and eat. Then, after my Aunt brings everything in, unloads it all and puts it away she leaves. As soon as she's gone Grandma will get in her car and go back to the same shopping centers and stores by herself to shop more. She just cracks me up.

Hope I have the same gumption when I'm that old.

Not much else for tonight, I'm tired and ready for sleep.

Monday, Monday

Another trip to Dallas to see the eye specialist.  They told me that losing vision in low light is part of the disease progression. While we were there I saw a woman with a white cane. She gave her phone voice commands similar to the ones I give to Siri. She seemed calm and confident, self-assured in spite of, or perhaps because of her handicap.

Boogered my back a couple of days ago. Tylenol, a heating pad and soaking in the tub are helping. The lidocaine patch I used last night didn't help at all, but will try it again tonight.

I made a new purse day before yesterday. It's floral and the colors are black, browns and golds. I'd forgotten how much fun it is to make them. For years I would sew and/or crochet purses. Then I had children and the free time for that hobby went away. I have enough fabric and accessories to make about half a dozen purses, all different colors and styles. Also, there's enough yarn to make several. It feels so great to find things that I can do.

I plan to get on Facebook in the next few days and do something that I'd rather not do. So many friends and relatives are posting political things, not anything good about who they like, but nasty hateful posts about the other candidate. I've counted over 50 each day, and enough is enough. I'm going to block people and unfriend a few. Once the elections are over I'll see how I still feel about it.

Not sure how to handle the posts that guilt trip you. The ones that say "share if you love Jesus, ignore if you don't". Sorry, to me, religion is a private thing. I don't carry on about it on Facebook or in public. To each his own, I guess.

Mom is done with her second week of chemo. One more week of it and then a week off before it resumes again. She's still hoping to go home, and I hope that she will. She's so independent and loves living her own schedule and doing as she wishes. At 70 she should be able to. The whole hospital and now nursing home thing is tough on her. No privacy, she can't come and go as she pleases, no room for her books and movies or the things that make wherever you live a home. As much as nursing homes charge monthly, each person should have a nice sized room of their own, with the furniture that they want, the colors that they want painted, and the things that they enjoy around them. It's only right, and it would be good for the patients. Also maybe they would have more visitors if their environment wasn't so depressing. Just sayin'.

Labor Day Weekend

The long holiday weekend is ending. I think that we are rested and refreshed after a few days break from everyday life and responsibilities. Today we attended an arts festival here in the city. There were so many beautiful and unusual things to admire. The talents that these artists have are just amazing. I found a delightful wooden kaleidoscope for my collection. The others that I have are inexpensive, and rest in a basket next to a small rocking chair for visiting youngsters. This one is just for me. Holding it so that it faces a fairly bright light I can make out the jeweled colors and the lovely changing patterns. I wish I could see it clearly, but am happy that I can see it at all. 
I've enjoyed having time with my Husband to play catchup on everyday things, to watch some football. We ordered in pizza to make it even more fun.
I'm still at the point where ordering pizza or going out to eat is a real treat. My Husband thinks the same thing about a home cooked meal. I love cooking, started doing it as a small child, and love even more feeding others. 
For each meal the table is set with the good china, real silver flatware and crystal. I never could understand not treating family as special, "saving" the nice things for someday or a special occasion. My grandma would perhaps use her good china once or twice a year, the rest of the time it was on display. I want to use and love the pretty things that I have, to make my loved ones and guests all feel special.
Tomorrow I'll get back to my normal routine, cleaning and crossing things off of my lists and feeling great for having accomplished things. As much as I have spent time this weekend doing as we pleased, I'm ready for a bit more structure. 
I wonder what life will be like when my husband retires in a few years, what we'll do for fun, how we'll spend our time when the clock no longer is a taskmaster. I'm sure that we will do many things, travel and have many adventures. Perhaps it's time to update our bucket lists...........