Here's to 2013!

New Year's 

This morning I got up, showered, did my hair and makeup, painted my nails, perfumed and dressed beautifully. Looking in the mirror I decided I will dress and look at least this nice every day from now on. I have the wardrobe, the time, an incredible hairdresser who gets most of the credit for changing my total appearance.

Next, I will be exercising. Increasing from three days a week, the extra time will be bicycling or on the treadmill.

I will reach my goal weight. I've proven I can do it. The latest medicine is beginning to pack on the pounds and it gets me angry. All of the work and sacrifice to get the weight to where I want it, and this is getting nipped in the bud. The extra exercise will help.

I will get my wardrobe in order. With a lot of colors gone from my vision this is a priority.

I will finish remodeling the closets. Should make a good January/February project. That will finish the house as far as redecorating goes until we do the bathrooms. 

I will continue to keep in touch with friends and family. It remains a high priority especially as sight lessens and traveling is somewhat limited.

I will have every day.....

Things to do

Things to think about

Activities

Laughter

Pleasure

Love

People to care about

A lovely home

Plenty to eat

Beautiful clothes to wear

Garden to enjoy

Hobbies to enrich me

Things to learn

My Darling Husband

My life is incredible. I love it all. 2013 will be a terrific year full of enjoyment. I will live my life, my way, on my terms. I will look forward to starting each new day and living it to its fullest. I will have a beautiful, charming life with no regrets.

Here's to 2013!

Some Year End Thoughts

Some thoughts.....

Knowing that reflecting on the preceding year is usually done at this time tells me that I ought to as well.

Dwelling on the bad isn't happening this year. I would prefer to focus on the good and positive parts.

I do lead a wonderful life. It's full of wonders and adventures, privileges, comforts, luxury, time, opportunities, love, friendship, fun, beauty, peace and contentment. Not counting blindness I have a life that most would envy. I am really and truly grateful for all of it, each day I awaken to find myself living happily ever after.

Darling Husband makes my life special each and every day. There are hugs and kisses, I love you said frequently, flowers, dinners and outings, romantic gestures, and time. He makes time just for me, for us, for making sure our life is the fairy tale. I am indeed blessed in every way.

My family are loving people, kind and honest. Our children and grandchildren are in our lives as well as our hearts. Darling Husband's family welcomed me with open arms. I am still part of my ex husband's family. They too are terrific people, ones I enjoy spending time with and still do.

I have friends all over. Very few in this area, many all over the country. Some I grew up with, some newer, all part of my life in one way or another. I feel honored to have each in my life.

In losing vision I have been given the gift of time. The time to adapt, to learn new ways of doing things. I have time to set systems in place that will allow me to live the life that I desire. There will not be a case of blindness ruining my life. It merely alters the plans I had made for my life. In some ways it has enhanced my life. Strange, I know, but it's true.

I get to spend my life living as I wish. Gardening and indulging in growing tropical plants. Taking online classes in subjects that interest and inspire me, that keep my mind busy. I have lists of them already, some downloaded, and some waiting. Relearning cooking and baking skills that are being challenged by the lack of sight. There are hobbies to keep me busy, many I have thought of and wanted to try, some I'd like to take up again. Some to try just to see if I like them. There are books on tape, Braille to be learned, reading software on the computer to assist me with the basics of life and sanity.

Our home is beautiful, comfortable, made for relaxing and entertaining. Every part has been redone in the past three years except for the closets. I call them "the final frontier". As with the other rooms, I study and make plans, ponder colors and the end result before putting everything related to the room improvement away. A few weeks or months later it jells all at once and then I no longer think of it. I get the paints, papers and trims and then just do the project right away. Somehow it works out perfectly.

Other than blindness I have become beautiful. Every part of me has been changed, head to toe. I still don't recognize myself in the mirror. Of course it doesn't help that the mirror is a magnifying one. Hair, face, teeth, body, wardrobe.... None of it is as it was three years ago. She is new to me and yet very familiar. The woman in the mirror looking back at me is someone I like, someone I'm still getting to know, she is someone whom I'm liking forward to spending my life as.

I'm living the life that I was meant to live all along. It is a life that I love more and more. Sure there are a lot of challenges. I'm learning, adjusting, fine tuning. Making changes to adapt to less and less sight as they come, and quite a few ahead of time so that I can be ready and not be caught unable to do things. I value being able to do for myself, capable is the term I think of at this time. The Taurus in me will keep me working hard at succeeding.

My life is, and will continue to be, very precious in every way. All of it beautiful in the manner that I experience it, in my surroundings, in the people who are part of my life, in the choices and interests that I choose to give time and effort to. The thoughts in my head greatly helped to create this reality. Dreaming since early childhood of the universe in which I wanted to live as an grownup has made this wonderland. Awakening every morning  I am happy that I have this incredible world that is a dream come true. Dreams do come true, they are within reach at all times. I love it all. I more than anything love spending my life with the most loving, honorable, kind, good, generous man that I have ever known. To Him, I am precious, adored and beloved. I am.......

Wore me out

Four hours of sleep last night, and I'm up and going again. As soon as I look over Facebook and email it will be time to begin my day.

The house is clean, laundry is mostly caught up and the pets are napping. Demeter is sprawled on her back on the love seat while Layla is curled up on the back of an chair. The two of them are napping experts, making every bit of sleep appear effortless.

Hoping to do a bit of shopping today. I haven't been out of the house since Christmas Eve, and am feeling cooped up.

Just found out there will be company here for breakfast. Better get properly dressed and then set the table. Back later.....

Okay, so we had company for breakfast, pancakes and bacon enjoyed by all. Following that darling Husband took me to a new store I've been wanting to go to. Several hours and many dollars later we went to his office. From there I went across the street to Bohemian Spirit Vintage to shop and say hello to Amy, the incredible lady who keeps me looking great. Of course I shopped there too. Company arrived here shortly after we returned home, and now we're babysitting a new grandpuppy. Busy day, and I'm having a ball.

Demeter and the puppy did not do too well on their first meeting. As a result D is in the garage for awhile. I just can't allow her to eat the little guy.

Anyway, I'm about tuckered out for this evening.

The holidays continue with visitors daily, bowl games, great munchies, time for occasional naps, for just enjoying. There are things going on every day, places to go and things to do.

Working on a few projects during free time. I'm lining baskets on my new etrike and looking for material to cover the seat. The weather will keep me from riding for several more days, and I really want to go ride. Soon.

Started medical treatment a week ago for my eyes. Hoping the disease robbing me of my sight can be slowed or stopped for awhile. I don't want to be in total darkness, not now, not ever. There's too much I've not yet seen. I have plans that do not include blindness. An appointment was made for 2 weeks from today to check for progress.

I spent part of yesterday working on my wardrobe, coordinating outfits and accessories. Making note of what is lacking, what I can make or alter or shop for to complete my closet.

While I can still see some I'd like to paint, paper, organize and customize our bedroom closet. That will make life easier as well as better looking. 

Since the holiday season began I've spent the majority of my time in the living room. The decorations are so beautiful, it makes everything so cozy and welcoming. Knowing that this is the best I'll be able to see, I want to tuck each tiny detail to memory.Years from now I will know exactly how things appeared this Christmas. I will truly miss seeing holiday decor.

This past week when I have been unable to sleep I've spent the time sewing. Two pieces of lovely fabric are now infinity cowls. Both are gold, incredibly soft and very welcome additions to my wardrobe. 

Not sleeping much has been an issue lately, medicine changes have caused my sense of day and night to wobble around. I rest and look at the decorations.

There are some projects to do now and others for when the weather cooperates. I like having things to do. To know that the house is completely done will be a relief, that there will be loveliness around us, that our home reflects who we are and what we enjoy.

Okay I'm tired.

Merry Christmas to All......

And so, the holiday has arrived. The postman picked up cards clothes pinned to the mailbox and left others. UPS has come and gone bringing a smile to darling Husband's face.

First thing this morning I went to Target for last minute milk, bread and stocking stuffers. There were more employees than shoppers, and I wandered about the store thinking of other Christmases.

The most magical holidays are part of my memories. 2007 was a helicopter ride on Christmas Eve in a two seater Robinson 22 to see Christmas lights. Another was when a friend showed up on Christmas Eve years ago with one of my sisters who had been adopted by another family. I'll never forget that first meeting and the friend who found her for me when I had been looking for years. Another was Christmas spent in St. Kitts, pure paradise and someplace I'd love to return to someday.

Then there were bad ones too. The year my ex made me return the children's gifts and he bought himself a PS2. The Christmas following my daughter's death. The year I lost my job the first week of December when my bosses got into an argument and one locked the other out of the company along with most of the employees. No money, and looking for a cheaper apartment. I saw an unlocked car full of presents and I stood next to it and cried like a baby because I couldn't afford any for my own children while others had so much that they left their car unlocked and the car windows down. Sad years....

Life has become so much better and I remember the tough times. Some years it's teddy bears for the police, and every year Toys For Tots as well as the Salvation Army. I don't want others to go through times without being able to have something for their children the way I did during the rough times. It's worth it to purchase toys and deposit them into the bins provided. I think of the youngsters who will receive the toys as I buy them and it makes me feel great.

I look forward to darling Husband opening his gifts tomorrow morning, and I hope he likes them. As soon as he left for racquetball with his brother this morning I jumped out of bed and raced over to my neighbor's house so I could get his big present that was hidden in her garage. Now it's safely wrapped and under the tree.

There is still a cake to bake, and one gift to deliver when the recipient returns home from her holiday trip to see family. New music CDs to listen to, movies to watch, snacks to munch upon, a family gathering tonight, dirty Santa gifts wrapped and ready to take. Family to love upon, some to hug in person, some on the Internet and phone calls to make. And SNOW! Lots and lots of snow beginning overnight tonight. Lovely to see, but 6 to 10 inches does seem like a bit much.....

I think of family members no longer with us. Darling Husband lost both of his parents this year. My daughter, all but one grandparent in that generation, one of my stepmothers, friends who have passed away as well as some I have lost track of over the years. 

I miss the Christmases of childhood, the pure magic of Santa, the time with friends and relatives, and holiday trips..........

Life is wonderful, and Christmas is once again magic!

Merry Christmas, Etc...

Wow! It's the day before Christmas Eve, and the wrapping is done. 3 gifts are left to deliver, one family gathering Christmas Eve, snow coming. Perfection!

I have a cake and a batch of cookies to bake, perhaps a key lime pie to make as well. Plenty of food and goodies are on hand, I can serve guests with no notice. One cupboard is devoted just to entertaining. I wonder why I didn't think of it years ago. It just works.

Darling Husband assembled my electric trike and I took it for a spin this morning. Fun, fun, fun! That little sucker can go! 15 mph, 30 miles on a charge and a decent sized basket to go shopping with. I really enjoyed being on it.

Well, this past week was busy. There were a couple of trips to the doctors office. We went to Cirque de Soleil Dralion Thursday evening and took the girls who work with darling Husband to it as well as dinner. We had an amazing time. New opera glasses helped me to see parts of the show, and there were parts I could figure out. I sure miss having sight. On Friday evening we took darling Husband's StepMother out for dinner and to go see Christmas lights. I could see the red ones best along with some of the blues and purples. The rest were just dirty blurs. Still, I enjoyed it a lot.

Yesterday my Son, Arthur, was here for a visit. My StepSon and his Fiancé came by also. They're visiting from San Francisco for a couple of weeks. I talked to Mom yesterday, and Dad called me earlier. My Oldest texted that He loves me, precious!

Today is football, relaxation, napping and pure enjoyment of just time spent with the most amazing man I've ever known.

Sundays are special, our schedules are clear, and we jealously guard our time so that it's just for us. Part of what makes our marriage work is making time to be together.

Speaking of time, I need to go. Merry Christmas  to you all, Happy Yule, Blessed XMas!

The last weekend before Christmas is here. We've been going like crazy, and I'm really worn out tonight. Mainly in spirit from hearing bad news at the eye specialist this morning.

Testing shows more deterioration since it was last done a few months ago. Tomorrow I'll pick up a prescription and begin treatment (finally) to hopefully slow the disease progression. I need for it to work so badly. Blindness was never part of my life plans...  

There's so much to see in this amazing world that we live upon, and I want to see and explore it all. Life is an adventure, just existing here is enjoyable, thinking of the possibilities, the uncountable number of choices we make every second of our time. It really is exciting.

More in my next post, we've done so much in the last few days that I need time to process it all.........

Sleepless

Well, I slept from 9 until midnight and am once again wide awake. This not sleeping stuff is getting to be a real habit. In a couple of hours I'll get up and begin my day, but for now I'll just rest my body.

This evening we're going to Cirque de Soleil and dinner. My opera glasses ( mother of pearl from India ) arrived just in time. Still trying to decide what to wear. Cooler temps have eliminated a few of the options. I'm excited about going, it should be magical.

Friday evening we'll go see christmas lights, Or in my case, colored blurs. That's something I miss, seeing homes and buildings beautifully decorated.

My new electric trike arrived today, too many hills for my single speed, so now I'll have power to go. It is supposed to go up to 30 miles on a charge. Exciting, I'm looking forward to riding it once it has been put together.

Christmas packages went out Monday and are supposed to arrive today. Cards went out yesterday, over 60 of them. I still have a few more to write and get out in the mail over the next couple of days. Need to wrap 4 presents and I think that finishes all of the holiday things to do other than enjoy myself. Nice to not have that last minute panic of rushing to get everything done. Or worse, getting stuck pulling double shifts on Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day. I did that for years, and I really disliked missing out on all of the fun and just getting to do the grunt work. This year I get to have fun, no travel, no hassle. The ham is fully cooked, or maybe do steaks instead.

On Friday morning I return to the eye specialist to finally begin treatment. Hoping it works to slow or stop the disease and is worth the side effects. Crossing my fingers.........

Thoughts, ideas and facts

$700 dollars spent, 4 hours of shopping, 2 hours of kitchen cleaning after a ham glaze package and a dish detergent from the store leaked all over, 2 hours rearranging the kitchen cupboards to hold all of the purchases. 1/2 hour spent wrapping gifts.

Saving the mopping of sticky ham glaze for the morning. And now a well deserved rest, I'm pooped out in so many ways. Except for tahini I got everything I need, and I'll try to get to the halal market tomorrow.

I'm looking at google in all of its wisdom and glory today, trying to figure out how to stay safe when I'm not at home with a compromised immune system.

Too many no no's. No sun exposure at all (multiple medications and retina damage), no being out in public without protection like surgical masks, no dining out, etc.

Anyway, I strongly dislike being told "no". I will go out, I will be in sunshine, I will go places where there are crowds. I will have a life I can enjoy and have fun in. So there!

Cruising the Internet showed me about a jillion ways to protect myself from the sun, most of them highly unappealing. Protection from other people and their germs, no offense, is just as bad. Surgical masks ain't purty at all.

The solution ends up being a variation of what I had initially thought of, Muslim headcoverings. Many of them are worn in such beautiful ways, it seems there are as many ways to wear them as there are women. A lot of the styles are designed to be worn with a veil across the face. An ugly surgical  mask can be hidden underneath the veil. 

Modest clothing won't be an issue, any time the sun is up I need to be covered completely. Since its a must for health and safety, I'm now looking through my wardrobe to see what is lacking. My wardrobe is fairly modest already. It was a fairly new creation over the last 2 years. Weight loss and a rapidly changing life made it necessary. 

It feels great to look nice and to be able to dress appropriately for any occasion. Most of my clothing for the last 30 or so years has come from thrift stores and vintage stores. Many were high end designer clothes, and many were cheap kmart type clothes. Other than underwear and shoes I can count store bought clothes over the years on one hand.

 Now my Clothing is beautiful, some pieces amaze me every time I look at them. It's classic and extremely fashionable with a nod to vintage styling in the summer portion. I have hats, gloves and an obscene number of purses. Just about everything needed. I do need some longer skirts, but that should do it. 

I'll learn scarf tying in order to be protected out of doors and in crowds. A couple of books ordered from amazon on that topic have arrived recently so I'll have time to practice and get used to wearing them.

Now, the big huge elephant in the corner..... My beloved Subaru has been sold today. This is where it really sinks in that I am blind, that I will never again get behind the wheel of a car and drive. That my disease cannot be cured is now fact, and it hurts to know that it can only get worse at this point. 

Enough for tonight........

great friday night fighting with new keyboard

friday night again. the week has flown by, and in a good way.

medications have finally balanced out the way they should and i feel terrific. dizziness is gone, i'm not falling into things, i have energy and feel great mentally too. i really haven't felt this good since getting ill over 2 years ago... i'm back to being me again. 

it's incredible to feel this great again, it's a feeling i was beginning to doubt would ever come back. the blindness can be dealt with more easily now that the stress of other illness is gone.

i'm also losing weight in the right way. plenty of exercise and eating a healthy diet. 

not sleeping much, 2 to 5 hours nightly since last weekend. if that's the only drawback to getting healthy other than lack of sight, i can go with that.

getting ready to wrap and ship christmas gifts this next week. everything is together just waiting on some free time. i need to go to my neighbor's house and wrap darling Husband's gift, it's hidden in her garage. 

this weekend promises to be nice, not weatherwise, but in other ways. i'd like to finish up a few projects while darling Husband is at work tomorrow, and then just relax and have some fun.

enough for tonight.

Sleepless in OKC

Sleepless tonight. Actually, slept for an hour and a half, now I'm awake. Took a pain pill for a spazzing muscle in my back, so I now also have medicine head, that thing where your head is definitely not connected to any part of me.

Returning some Christmas gifts I ordered from Amazon, wrong items were sent to me. So, I just thought I was done with Christmas shopping. Too bad what was sent wasn't nicer or neater than what I ordered, I could have just kept them.

The house looks really lovely with all of the holiday decorations. I had truly thought that the place would be bare with most of the decor gone. Actually it looks like a magazine article on how to decorate your home. More "Southern Living" than "Good Housekeeping". 

I wonder if this year will be the last that I can see christmas decorations. It's one of the things I will miss the most. Since my daughter's death I really don't get excited over the holidays anymore, but do have fun making the house over.

Tonight was Survivor, and only a couple of episodes are left in this season. It's been so entertaining to watch, and I know we'll be more than ready for a new season in February.

Time to wrap it up.

new vacuums suck. yippee

Another Monday has come and gone. It was a welcome time to recover from the weekend. We had the grandchildren o Friday and Saturday. busy little creatures, I don't think that they slowed down for more than 30 seconds the entire time. We had a wonderful time with them, and hope to enjoy them again soon.

Today I got a new vacuum, a shark navigator. I thought that the old one worked great, but it was too heavy to handle. this new one sucked up 6 cans of dirt, and that was just a portion of the living room. Seriously grossed me out, and the house got all new carpet back in May. Now I know better.

Not much else tonight, I'm worn ou