I discovered that Hubby cleared out our storage unit. Hundreds of books, CDs, and DVDs gone, my good camera, my antique camera collection, clothes, household goods, my children's baby things, personal items. All of it, just gone.
I had to put my things there when hubby moved his ex into our home. She took over the guest apartment and the entire garage. There was no room for most of my things, so I put them in the storage unit until she finally moved out. She's still there.
I would not have done that to him, or to anyone for that matter.
Divine justice and karma will come back and bite him in the butt. If I'm lucky, I'll get to watch.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Visit
Hubby came up here today. Demeter went nuts. She was jumping and wiggling, could not lick him enough, it seems. She was by his side the entire visit, and soooo unhappy when he left.
We went out and picked up lunch. Brought it back to the house and ate on the front porch. Temps in the upper seventies and sunshine made it a perfect place to eat and enjoy.
Afterwords, we sat at the table in the dining room. We talked about everything involved in separating two lives that were once one. His, hers, mine, yours, ours, etc. Anyway, it's more than fair to both of us. We both know what is important to each person, and were willing to make it as amicable as possible. We'll both come out of it alright. Hearts broken, but the rest of it okay.
I only cried once. Promised myself that I wouldn't while he was here. But, even with everything that has happened, the love is still there. It hurts. It hurts to see the end of what was supposed to be forever. It hurts that we are still so close, but cannot work things out, that we never will.
So, we parted on good terms. We have lives to get on with, futures, not together but separate. And, we will. It's going to take awhile to get over him, over us.
I never, ever wanted it to end. I still don't. It wasn't supposed to end like this. All I ever wanted was to love him and make him happy for the rest of our lives........
Somehow, I can't bring myself to push the chair that he sat in back up to the table.
We went out and picked up lunch. Brought it back to the house and ate on the front porch. Temps in the upper seventies and sunshine made it a perfect place to eat and enjoy.
Afterwords, we sat at the table in the dining room. We talked about everything involved in separating two lives that were once one. His, hers, mine, yours, ours, etc. Anyway, it's more than fair to both of us. We both know what is important to each person, and were willing to make it as amicable as possible. We'll both come out of it alright. Hearts broken, but the rest of it okay.
I only cried once. Promised myself that I wouldn't while he was here. But, even with everything that has happened, the love is still there. It hurts. It hurts to see the end of what was supposed to be forever. It hurts that we are still so close, but cannot work things out, that we never will.
So, we parted on good terms. We have lives to get on with, futures, not together but separate. And, we will. It's going to take awhile to get over him, over us.
I never, ever wanted it to end. I still don't. It wasn't supposed to end like this. All I ever wanted was to love him and make him happy for the rest of our lives........
Somehow, I can't bring myself to push the chair that he sat in back up to the table.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Last night of winter
Tired, but not sleepy enough to go to bed. Listening to late night talk shows on one of my few tv channels. Something about this time of night is extremely calming. I enjoy knowing that I've done enough for the day and that it's a time devoted to relaxation.
Rained yesterday, and Demeter has been running in and out, muddy feet everywhere. I've put things on the furniture which can be washed. The battle to keep her off the furniture was lost years ago. She's family, and I won't punish her for enjoying what everyone else does.
I'm learning to enjoy my home. It is a simple, lovely little place. There are many large windows, bringing a lot of light in during the days. Once the trees bud and leaf, the predominant lighting will be a shady green most of the day. I imagine that it will change the way that the house looks and feels.
I'm learning more about my taste in decorating. Setting up my home in ways that I love, without considering the needs or items belonging to others is enlightening. This home reflects who I am. It shows my interests.
There are a lot of antiques and vintage items, books, plants, simple draperies, cozy places to curl up. There are candles, pillows, soft throws, a record player and albums, all used and enjoyed daily. There are touches of whimsy here and there. Things unexpected, not serious, put in places to make me smile when I think of them.
The artwork is somewhat eclectic. There are mainly classic art prints in the living room. The dining room has oils of forests and homes, along with an acrylic portrait of Bela Lugosi. My bedroom contains Jack Vettriano prints, definitely ones not appropriate for the young or close minded. The spare bedroom has oil paintings of the ocean. The kitchen, laundry room and mud room are all little red riding hood and/or big bad wolf prints.
Garfunkel's bowl is on a silver tray, seated upon a low bookcase. There is a sugar bowl with his food inside it next to the tray. There are pieces of Tiara glass next to the tray, as well as a small lamp.
I'm listening to a Petula Clark cd. Songs I've not heard in decades. I'd forgotten how lovely her songs are. Preferring music over than television, I'm being reacquainted with a variety of artists and genre.
I think that Demeter's little friend finally went home. He comes through the fence and is usually waiting for her in the mornings outside the back door. I refuse to let him in, although he is charming when he asks to come in with her.
Hoping I hurt less tomorrow. I want to plant the lilies and ferns that I purchased the other day. I need to buy some postage stamps and mail a few things. Thinking of stopping at the bookstore to say hello to friends, it will feel good to be out of doors.
My former home in Okc was warm. We kept the temperature set in the low 80's. It kept me from hurting so much. Here, it's impossible to keep the temps above the low seventies. Even with the electric fireplace and space heaters, stove burners, and the dryer vented indoors, the house is chilly. And, I hurt, badly. Something else to get used to.
Enough for now.....
Rained yesterday, and Demeter has been running in and out, muddy feet everywhere. I've put things on the furniture which can be washed. The battle to keep her off the furniture was lost years ago. She's family, and I won't punish her for enjoying what everyone else does.
I'm learning to enjoy my home. It is a simple, lovely little place. There are many large windows, bringing a lot of light in during the days. Once the trees bud and leaf, the predominant lighting will be a shady green most of the day. I imagine that it will change the way that the house looks and feels.
I'm learning more about my taste in decorating. Setting up my home in ways that I love, without considering the needs or items belonging to others is enlightening. This home reflects who I am. It shows my interests.
There are a lot of antiques and vintage items, books, plants, simple draperies, cozy places to curl up. There are candles, pillows, soft throws, a record player and albums, all used and enjoyed daily. There are touches of whimsy here and there. Things unexpected, not serious, put in places to make me smile when I think of them.
The artwork is somewhat eclectic. There are mainly classic art prints in the living room. The dining room has oils of forests and homes, along with an acrylic portrait of Bela Lugosi. My bedroom contains Jack Vettriano prints, definitely ones not appropriate for the young or close minded. The spare bedroom has oil paintings of the ocean. The kitchen, laundry room and mud room are all little red riding hood and/or big bad wolf prints.
Garfunkel's bowl is on a silver tray, seated upon a low bookcase. There is a sugar bowl with his food inside it next to the tray. There are pieces of Tiara glass next to the tray, as well as a small lamp.
I'm listening to a Petula Clark cd. Songs I've not heard in decades. I'd forgotten how lovely her songs are. Preferring music over than television, I'm being reacquainted with a variety of artists and genre.
I think that Demeter's little friend finally went home. He comes through the fence and is usually waiting for her in the mornings outside the back door. I refuse to let him in, although he is charming when he asks to come in with her.
Hoping I hurt less tomorrow. I want to plant the lilies and ferns that I purchased the other day. I need to buy some postage stamps and mail a few things. Thinking of stopping at the bookstore to say hello to friends, it will feel good to be out of doors.
My former home in Okc was warm. We kept the temperature set in the low 80's. It kept me from hurting so much. Here, it's impossible to keep the temps above the low seventies. Even with the electric fireplace and space heaters, stove burners, and the dryer vented indoors, the house is chilly. And, I hurt, badly. Something else to get used to.
Enough for now.....
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Weekend.
Worn out this evening. It's the kind of tired that comes from getting a lot accomplished over the last couple of days. Still in pain, and I feel more pain coming, but I'm good.
I've planted all of my bulbs in the front garden, except for the ones I purchased this evening. Flower seed packets are scattered on the dining room table. There are large bags of potting soil in the Mudroom.
Have run errands in stages. Running them in three phases is easier than trying to do everything in one trip. Now, it's all done and I can relax. Took two days, and did it all. Groceries, bookstore, library, haircut, dollar store, and a couple rides.
The house is rearranged, making it easier to get around.
Two new lamps with forty watt bulbs are easier on my eyes than the harsh overhead lighting. Record albums are close by the record player, as are the CDs. Yes, I still play records. Chairs are in locations which will not bark my shins. The printer is now in a location that will not jar me when it fires up.
Finally organized the toolbox. I had them scattered between the box and several baskets. They were sitting all over the kitchen floor, and had been there since the day I moved in. Not many, but they needed to be put away, and a permanent home.
Did my grocery shopping with a friend this evening. As if the cart wasn't completely full, I got waylaid by the Girl Scouts on the way out the door. Five boxes later, I managed my escape. So, if anyone comes over, guess what they'll be snacking on? I'm sure not eating them, too many calories and fat. Still, nice to have them on hand. Oh, and I'm entered in some drawing where the prize is five cases of those suckers. Hope I don't win...
Six years ago today, I adopted Demeter. She was a tiny ball of fluff, starved, covered in hundreds of ticks. For almost a year, she would swipe food from the table, my plate, the counters and even the stove. She was terrified of not having anything available to eat. It took years before she finally understood that she would never, ever go hungry.
The only thing that she ever destroyed was the puppy training book. Oh, and a few pairs of pants being worn by one of my youngest son's friends. While he was wearing them. He took awhile to learn his manners. There is certain behavior that she will not tolerate, ever. Aggression by humans, fighting, etc are things she puts an immediate stop to. No, she did not hurt him, not even a scratch. Well, she did hurt his pride.
She's amazingly clever. She understands commands in three languages. Rarely breaks a rule. Affectionate, loyal, funny. Adores her stuffed babies, and usually puts them back in their basket when she's done playing with them. Won't eat strawberries, loves roast beef more than any other food. She's precious to me.
Tonight, she's fussing about going out. There's a little dog in the neighborhood that she made friends with. She wants to play with it. Never mind that it's dark out, and late, and raining. He can wiggle through the fence, and does. She just wants to romp and get muddy.
So, she's in the backyard. Having fun. She'll come in and I'll towel her off as she prances around, telling me in her own way of the adventure she had.
I can feel my joints crying, the weather is damp and temps are dropping. They'll hurt more before the weather improves. Took Advil instead of a pain pill. Not helping at all.
Think I'll head to bed.....
I've planted all of my bulbs in the front garden, except for the ones I purchased this evening. Flower seed packets are scattered on the dining room table. There are large bags of potting soil in the Mudroom.
Have run errands in stages. Running them in three phases is easier than trying to do everything in one trip. Now, it's all done and I can relax. Took two days, and did it all. Groceries, bookstore, library, haircut, dollar store, and a couple rides.
The house is rearranged, making it easier to get around.
Two new lamps with forty watt bulbs are easier on my eyes than the harsh overhead lighting. Record albums are close by the record player, as are the CDs. Yes, I still play records. Chairs are in locations which will not bark my shins. The printer is now in a location that will not jar me when it fires up.
Finally organized the toolbox. I had them scattered between the box and several baskets. They were sitting all over the kitchen floor, and had been there since the day I moved in. Not many, but they needed to be put away, and a permanent home.
Did my grocery shopping with a friend this evening. As if the cart wasn't completely full, I got waylaid by the Girl Scouts on the way out the door. Five boxes later, I managed my escape. So, if anyone comes over, guess what they'll be snacking on? I'm sure not eating them, too many calories and fat. Still, nice to have them on hand. Oh, and I'm entered in some drawing where the prize is five cases of those suckers. Hope I don't win...
Six years ago today, I adopted Demeter. She was a tiny ball of fluff, starved, covered in hundreds of ticks. For almost a year, she would swipe food from the table, my plate, the counters and even the stove. She was terrified of not having anything available to eat. It took years before she finally understood that she would never, ever go hungry.
The only thing that she ever destroyed was the puppy training book. Oh, and a few pairs of pants being worn by one of my youngest son's friends. While he was wearing them. He took awhile to learn his manners. There is certain behavior that she will not tolerate, ever. Aggression by humans, fighting, etc are things she puts an immediate stop to. No, she did not hurt him, not even a scratch. Well, she did hurt his pride.
She's amazingly clever. She understands commands in three languages. Rarely breaks a rule. Affectionate, loyal, funny. Adores her stuffed babies, and usually puts them back in their basket when she's done playing with them. Won't eat strawberries, loves roast beef more than any other food. She's precious to me.
Tonight, she's fussing about going out. There's a little dog in the neighborhood that she made friends with. She wants to play with it. Never mind that it's dark out, and late, and raining. He can wiggle through the fence, and does. She just wants to romp and get muddy.
So, she's in the backyard. Having fun. She'll come in and I'll towel her off as she prances around, telling me in her own way of the adventure she had.
I can feel my joints crying, the weather is damp and temps are dropping. They'll hurt more before the weather improves. Took Advil instead of a pain pill. Not helping at all.
Think I'll head to bed.....
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Everyday Things
Cold Front came through earlier. Temps have dropped from 84 to 51 degrees. My bones are shrieking. Still, the house is staying warm, and I'm grateful.
Got out for a ride today. Bought picture frames to finish decorating the mudroom. More flower bulbs for the front garden, some groceries, three bunches of carnations, etc. I stopped at the Dari Diner to pick up a burger and fries. When I got home, I let Demeter out on the front porch and we shared the food. She was "bouncing happy".
The flowers are lovely, button carnations. I got a bunch each of red, pink, and white. Came home to discover that, although I received a vase of flowers every other week for a few years, the only one I brought with me was the Waterford crystal that I'd owned long before I met Hubby. So, they're all in the same, small vase. I had to cut them down pretty far so that they would fit. Still, they look and smell lovely. I'm enjoying them, carrying them from room to room with me.
Listening to heavy metal this evening. It's really not my taste, but I am working at broadening my horizons. Tomorrow, another day, another music genre.
I need to caulk windows. The curtains are moving since the high winds arrived with the cold front. I imagine just doing that will go far in keeping me much warmer next winter, with the added bonus of lower utility bills.
I'm still holding my breath, waiting for my first utility bills to arrive. Having been here for a month, I expect them to arrive any day now. With the horrible cold weather this past month, I imagine them to be high.
The front garden is ready to plant. I used my garden weasel to loosen the soil and get it ready. It's my second one, the first one was stolen from my garden, of all places. Great tool, it does a lot of work that I would have to use a shovel and hoe for.
For the front garden I've gotten hyacinths, stargazer lillies, gladiolis, morning glories, evening glories, as well as a wish list of flowers to put there that would fill a botanical garden. Time to weed out the list.
Opening up the house was so sweet today. Feeling the fresh air flowing through the different rooms gave me a great feeling. Sort of a promise of what future spring days would bring.
I'm looking forward to getting the flower beds planted. I want continuous blooms, lovely smells, and gobs of charm. Thinking of hanging boston ferns from the porch rails. Also, I'm mentally laying out the ways I want the climbing vines to grow.
I plan to have the kind of curb appeal that makes me smile everyday. The front porch is large with a gate at the top of the steps. There are flower beds along the front of the porch which wrap around both sides. I have a pair of matching rocking chairs with pillows on either side of a small table. That takes up one side of the porch, the other I plan to place the majority of my houseplants. They should love it there.
I'm about ready for bed. This has been a long day. Nothing world changing, just a lovely day filled with everyday happenings. The kind I look forward to more of.
Got out for a ride today. Bought picture frames to finish decorating the mudroom. More flower bulbs for the front garden, some groceries, three bunches of carnations, etc. I stopped at the Dari Diner to pick up a burger and fries. When I got home, I let Demeter out on the front porch and we shared the food. She was "bouncing happy".
The flowers are lovely, button carnations. I got a bunch each of red, pink, and white. Came home to discover that, although I received a vase of flowers every other week for a few years, the only one I brought with me was the Waterford crystal that I'd owned long before I met Hubby. So, they're all in the same, small vase. I had to cut them down pretty far so that they would fit. Still, they look and smell lovely. I'm enjoying them, carrying them from room to room with me.
Listening to heavy metal this evening. It's really not my taste, but I am working at broadening my horizons. Tomorrow, another day, another music genre.
I need to caulk windows. The curtains are moving since the high winds arrived with the cold front. I imagine just doing that will go far in keeping me much warmer next winter, with the added bonus of lower utility bills.
I'm still holding my breath, waiting for my first utility bills to arrive. Having been here for a month, I expect them to arrive any day now. With the horrible cold weather this past month, I imagine them to be high.
The front garden is ready to plant. I used my garden weasel to loosen the soil and get it ready. It's my second one, the first one was stolen from my garden, of all places. Great tool, it does a lot of work that I would have to use a shovel and hoe for.
For the front garden I've gotten hyacinths, stargazer lillies, gladiolis, morning glories, evening glories, as well as a wish list of flowers to put there that would fill a botanical garden. Time to weed out the list.
Opening up the house was so sweet today. Feeling the fresh air flowing through the different rooms gave me a great feeling. Sort of a promise of what future spring days would bring.
I'm looking forward to getting the flower beds planted. I want continuous blooms, lovely smells, and gobs of charm. Thinking of hanging boston ferns from the porch rails. Also, I'm mentally laying out the ways I want the climbing vines to grow.
I plan to have the kind of curb appeal that makes me smile everyday. The front porch is large with a gate at the top of the steps. There are flower beds along the front of the porch which wrap around both sides. I have a pair of matching rocking chairs with pillows on either side of a small table. That takes up one side of the porch, the other I plan to place the majority of my houseplants. They should love it there.
I'm about ready for bed. This has been a long day. Nothing world changing, just a lovely day filled with everyday happenings. The kind I look forward to more of.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Warm temps change my world
Better today. I slept twelve hours, took a pain pill at each end of the sleep, still awoke in pain, but feel better. Warmer temps are making a difference.
Dirty dishes are soaking in the sink. I dislike having a home which is not spotless. Dishes and dusting are the only indoor chores on my list. Cleaning the yard is my outdoor chore.
As much as I love a clean environment, I refuse to be ruled by have-to's. No more than an hour daily is devoted to housekeeping. Usually, it takes forty minutes or less.
Later....
Housework done, dog poop cleaned up, front garden mostly dug up and ready, dining table covered with plant bulbs and seeds, etc. Oh, and the best part..... A nap was taken in one of the patio chairs. An eighty degree day was magic. It felt so wonderful to be outside, to enjoy sunshine and fresh air.
Tomorrow, I plan to get out for a ride. Get a few groceries, buy some more picture frames. Definitely plan to buy some flowers. I miss having fresh cut flowers in the house. I want to see and smell them. I will get them because they please me, and because I deserve them.
Before Hubby and I got together, I bought my own flowers weekly. I considered it a mental health expense. They made me happy. So, I'll start buying them again. Plus, it will be fun walking or riding home with them.
Instead of the roses and stargazer lillies, I may get carnations. The spicy smell of them permeates the house, and they're cheerful.
I'm surviving. Better yet, I'm doing alright. Not back to where I want to be, but I'll get there.
Dirty dishes are soaking in the sink. I dislike having a home which is not spotless. Dishes and dusting are the only indoor chores on my list. Cleaning the yard is my outdoor chore.
As much as I love a clean environment, I refuse to be ruled by have-to's. No more than an hour daily is devoted to housekeeping. Usually, it takes forty minutes or less.
Later....
Housework done, dog poop cleaned up, front garden mostly dug up and ready, dining table covered with plant bulbs and seeds, etc. Oh, and the best part..... A nap was taken in one of the patio chairs. An eighty degree day was magic. It felt so wonderful to be outside, to enjoy sunshine and fresh air.
Tomorrow, I plan to get out for a ride. Get a few groceries, buy some more picture frames. Definitely plan to buy some flowers. I miss having fresh cut flowers in the house. I want to see and smell them. I will get them because they please me, and because I deserve them.
Before Hubby and I got together, I bought my own flowers weekly. I considered it a mental health expense. They made me happy. So, I'll start buying them again. Plus, it will be fun walking or riding home with them.
Instead of the roses and stargazer lillies, I may get carnations. The spicy smell of them permeates the house, and they're cheerful.
I'm surviving. Better yet, I'm doing alright. Not back to where I want to be, but I'll get there.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Thoughts.....
Friday.....
Got out and rode for a bit. Stopped by the library for more audiobooks. Hit the dollar store for picture frames and flower bulbs. It felt great to be outdoors.
Picked up a few groceries when I was out. Healthy stuff, not what makes my mouth water and my hips wider.... Thought of stopping for a fast food meal. Decided to reward myself when I get out next week instead. Perhaps a restaurant meal, the kind with real flatware and dishes not made from styrofoam...
Half a dozen people stopped me to ask questions about the etrike. What really hooks them is the fact that a nickel's worth of electricity will let you go thirty miles. With that idea in mind, I get the feeling I'll be seeing more of them around town.
Wishing I was at uncle AJ's funeral today. I miss being able to drive. The family I have here has no connection to the family I have in the Okc area, so I didn't feel right asking for a ride. Hubby didn't offer to take me. I get it. It's his family, and I'm no longer welcome as part of it. At least, not by him.
Tonight, I'll watch a movie. Just snuggle up in a blanket, get cozy and enjoy. I have a stack of them to see.
The house cooled from 76 to 64 degrees in about thirty minutes. I checked the doors and windows. There's no reason for it to have happened. The temps outdoors only dropped one degree. I cranked up the heat, and think I'll go ahead and put together the electric fireplace.
Neat fireplace, it really puts out the heat. Took several hours to put it together. Guessing I did it correctly, it works. Couldn't make out the drawings or pics of which parts were which, so I had to guess.
Sunday....
Supposed to go visit family and friends in Broken Arrow this afternoon. The arthritis monster has other ideas for me. Tears, pain, pain pills, soaking in the hot bathtub, curling up in blankets in front of the furnace. Pain that never really goes away on the worse days. I stay in my spot, hoping the pain pill will work better than usual, knowing there is another ten hours before I can take another. Moving cautiously because the pain pill makes me dizzy. Dizzier than the damaged balance center in my left ear makes me.
This has been a pain filled week. Usually two or three pain filled days follow a good day. This time, the pain goes on and on. I think most of it has to do with the damp and cold temperatures. Rarely being warm enough in a body which is ruled by the thermometer and barometric pressure.
I do alright in warm and hot temps. The pain is a rare visitor then, the bad days are few. I go long periods of time without needing anything for pain at all.
In many ways, the arthritis is far worse than the eye disease, the cyst in my brain, and the vestibular damage in my ear. I can function with the low or no vision, depending on the light levels. I can handle the headaches and screwed up sleep cycles. I expect being off balance and the vertigo which comes and goes. But, when the pain is here, it is an ongoing nightmare. I even feel it in my sleep.
Is it too much to get a pain pill that is effective enough to keep pain down to a dull roar? One that does not cause dizziness, sleepiness, weight gain, a fuzzy brain, and other nightmare side effects. One I can still take with the grapefruit juice that keeps me healthy. One that comes in a generic form, or at a reasonable price. How hard is it to really treat pain?
When Mom was dying last year of cancer and COPD, her so called pain specialist up in Ohio cut her off from her pain medication. He demanded she see a shrink for her pain to ensure it was real. The letter demanding she bring in proof from the shrink was dated just a couple of weeks before her death. She also had damaged nerves in her back, legs and feet. So severe her feet were twisted. And, the creep, because that's all I can bring myself to call him, cut her off.
My pain is severe some days. Nothing compared to what a Mom went through. But it still keeps me from functioning some days.
Why is it that doctors are scared of treating pain? Mom wasn't going to become an addict. She was dying. She did die. She had medication that wasn't effective, and the minimal dosage, and she spent her last months counting the hours until she could knock the pain down for a bit with the next dose. The pain kept her from sleeping, from enjoying the short amount of time she had left, from functioning as a human being. There was no dignity in her death, it was just, finally relief from unending agony.
Enough for now.......
Got out and rode for a bit. Stopped by the library for more audiobooks. Hit the dollar store for picture frames and flower bulbs. It felt great to be outdoors.
Picked up a few groceries when I was out. Healthy stuff, not what makes my mouth water and my hips wider.... Thought of stopping for a fast food meal. Decided to reward myself when I get out next week instead. Perhaps a restaurant meal, the kind with real flatware and dishes not made from styrofoam...
Half a dozen people stopped me to ask questions about the etrike. What really hooks them is the fact that a nickel's worth of electricity will let you go thirty miles. With that idea in mind, I get the feeling I'll be seeing more of them around town.
Wishing I was at uncle AJ's funeral today. I miss being able to drive. The family I have here has no connection to the family I have in the Okc area, so I didn't feel right asking for a ride. Hubby didn't offer to take me. I get it. It's his family, and I'm no longer welcome as part of it. At least, not by him.
Tonight, I'll watch a movie. Just snuggle up in a blanket, get cozy and enjoy. I have a stack of them to see.
The house cooled from 76 to 64 degrees in about thirty minutes. I checked the doors and windows. There's no reason for it to have happened. The temps outdoors only dropped one degree. I cranked up the heat, and think I'll go ahead and put together the electric fireplace.
Neat fireplace, it really puts out the heat. Took several hours to put it together. Guessing I did it correctly, it works. Couldn't make out the drawings or pics of which parts were which, so I had to guess.
Sunday....
Supposed to go visit family and friends in Broken Arrow this afternoon. The arthritis monster has other ideas for me. Tears, pain, pain pills, soaking in the hot bathtub, curling up in blankets in front of the furnace. Pain that never really goes away on the worse days. I stay in my spot, hoping the pain pill will work better than usual, knowing there is another ten hours before I can take another. Moving cautiously because the pain pill makes me dizzy. Dizzier than the damaged balance center in my left ear makes me.
This has been a pain filled week. Usually two or three pain filled days follow a good day. This time, the pain goes on and on. I think most of it has to do with the damp and cold temperatures. Rarely being warm enough in a body which is ruled by the thermometer and barometric pressure.
I do alright in warm and hot temps. The pain is a rare visitor then, the bad days are few. I go long periods of time without needing anything for pain at all.
In many ways, the arthritis is far worse than the eye disease, the cyst in my brain, and the vestibular damage in my ear. I can function with the low or no vision, depending on the light levels. I can handle the headaches and screwed up sleep cycles. I expect being off balance and the vertigo which comes and goes. But, when the pain is here, it is an ongoing nightmare. I even feel it in my sleep.
Is it too much to get a pain pill that is effective enough to keep pain down to a dull roar? One that does not cause dizziness, sleepiness, weight gain, a fuzzy brain, and other nightmare side effects. One I can still take with the grapefruit juice that keeps me healthy. One that comes in a generic form, or at a reasonable price. How hard is it to really treat pain?
When Mom was dying last year of cancer and COPD, her so called pain specialist up in Ohio cut her off from her pain medication. He demanded she see a shrink for her pain to ensure it was real. The letter demanding she bring in proof from the shrink was dated just a couple of weeks before her death. She also had damaged nerves in her back, legs and feet. So severe her feet were twisted. And, the creep, because that's all I can bring myself to call him, cut her off.
My pain is severe some days. Nothing compared to what a Mom went through. But it still keeps me from functioning some days.
Why is it that doctors are scared of treating pain? Mom wasn't going to become an addict. She was dying. She did die. She had medication that wasn't effective, and the minimal dosage, and she spent her last months counting the hours until she could knock the pain down for a bit with the next dose. The pain kept her from sleeping, from enjoying the short amount of time she had left, from functioning as a human being. There was no dignity in her death, it was just, finally relief from unending agony.
Enough for now.......
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Thursday Night...
The puppy didn't make it. Too small, too weak. Shame, she was a pretty little one. She did spend most of her too short life cuddled and being loved. No one, even an animal, should ever have to die alone.
Feeling better today, my bones and joints are still aching. Still, it could be the horrendous pain that the worst days bring. You know the pain, the pain that settles in within hours of a bone break. The pain that returns when it's cold and damp, reminding you that, sometimes your own body can be your enemy.
The electric fireplace arrived today. Now, to figure out how to put it together. It came as five boxes of stuff, along with big pieces in two big boxes. Thank goodness the cold weather has mostly passed. I should not have need of it until next winter.
The space heaters also arrived. That's a future worry crossed off my list. I like to be prepared for unexpected things. I dislike even the idea of having to run out and get things when snowstorms come. I prefer to stay stocked up on things like food, toilet paper, candles and batteries.
Tomorrow promises temperatures in the sixties. I plan to get out of the house as soon as it's warm. I need to make a trip to the library. Perhaps stop in at FOTL Book Shop. Definitely get a fountain drink somewhere. Just being out of the house for an hour or so will be good. Then, I'll come home and clean dog poop out of the yard. After all, I do have to take advantage of a warm March day.
Tonight, I've just been thinking awhile. About where my life is, where it's going, how I wish my life to be, and how to make it that way. I have limitations, and I'm learning to work around them. I'm adapting how I do things in order to be as independent as possible. I may have to depend on others for some things, but in the end, I have to be able to rely on myself.
Enough for now......
Feeling better today, my bones and joints are still aching. Still, it could be the horrendous pain that the worst days bring. You know the pain, the pain that settles in within hours of a bone break. The pain that returns when it's cold and damp, reminding you that, sometimes your own body can be your enemy.
The electric fireplace arrived today. Now, to figure out how to put it together. It came as five boxes of stuff, along with big pieces in two big boxes. Thank goodness the cold weather has mostly passed. I should not have need of it until next winter.
The space heaters also arrived. That's a future worry crossed off my list. I like to be prepared for unexpected things. I dislike even the idea of having to run out and get things when snowstorms come. I prefer to stay stocked up on things like food, toilet paper, candles and batteries.
Tomorrow promises temperatures in the sixties. I plan to get out of the house as soon as it's warm. I need to make a trip to the library. Perhaps stop in at FOTL Book Shop. Definitely get a fountain drink somewhere. Just being out of the house for an hour or so will be good. Then, I'll come home and clean dog poop out of the yard. After all, I do have to take advantage of a warm March day.
Tonight, I've just been thinking awhile. About where my life is, where it's going, how I wish my life to be, and how to make it that way. I have limitations, and I'm learning to work around them. I'm adapting how I do things in order to be as independent as possible. I may have to depend on others for some things, but in the end, I have to be able to rely on myself.
Enough for now......
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Great news, new things and a tiny visitor
...
Heard from my closest friend on earth this morning. She's finally out of the hospital, and able to talk without wearing out. She loved the flowers and art supplies. She loves, even more, getting a second chance at life. I miss her so much, she's part of me. Hearing her voice was one of the happiest moments in my life.
Still feeling bad, but itching for something to do. I took a wire brush that Demeter dislikes and put it to good use. I've been sitting on the living and dining room floors restoring the nap to the carpeting. A lot of it is solidly matted, grotesque and nasty. The living room is done. There is about a third of the dining room left to do. I took the vacuum and used it in the living room after working in there. Sucked up three full canisters of filth with it. Yuck!
My sister is bringing me a newborn puppy. It's the runt of nine born earlier today. Too weak to suck, too small to work it's way up to it's mom. I'm planning to tuck it in my top to keep it warm, and bottle feed it.
She's a nurse working twelve hour shifts an hour from here, so she's unable to bottle feed it. I have the time, as well as the ability to cuddle a newborn. Hope the little one makes it. Teresa has her doubts, but it's worth a try.
My brother-in-law is coming over tomorrow. He's bringing more movies, as well as a chart showing what order to watch the Marvel movies. I have some of them, he's loaning me the ones I do not have in my collection. Between us, we have all of them except IronMan III.
My Vettriano print arrived from London today. It's beautiful, so much better full size than the images I had seen of it in books over the years. Now to get a frame..... It will be perfect hung over the bed.
Good day so far. I still feel awful, but overall, I'm alright. Keeping busy to try and get past the pain.
The puppy is here, tucked inside my cashmere sweater. I got it to drink a little from a tiny syringe. It's smaller than my hand. I know, I'm just helping someone out. Don't get attached, don't fall in love with it, don't ask to keep it, etc.
Demeter is in love with the puppy. She's drooling, worrying every time she hears the tiny one squeak. She's glued to my side. She tucks her nose into the v-neck of my sweater to sniff the baby every chance she gets. She has yet to lick the puppy, but I bet it happens soon.
Heard from my closest friend on earth this morning. She's finally out of the hospital, and able to talk without wearing out. She loved the flowers and art supplies. She loves, even more, getting a second chance at life. I miss her so much, she's part of me. Hearing her voice was one of the happiest moments in my life.
Still feeling bad, but itching for something to do. I took a wire brush that Demeter dislikes and put it to good use. I've been sitting on the living and dining room floors restoring the nap to the carpeting. A lot of it is solidly matted, grotesque and nasty. The living room is done. There is about a third of the dining room left to do. I took the vacuum and used it in the living room after working in there. Sucked up three full canisters of filth with it. Yuck!
My sister is bringing me a newborn puppy. It's the runt of nine born earlier today. Too weak to suck, too small to work it's way up to it's mom. I'm planning to tuck it in my top to keep it warm, and bottle feed it.
She's a nurse working twelve hour shifts an hour from here, so she's unable to bottle feed it. I have the time, as well as the ability to cuddle a newborn. Hope the little one makes it. Teresa has her doubts, but it's worth a try.
My brother-in-law is coming over tomorrow. He's bringing more movies, as well as a chart showing what order to watch the Marvel movies. I have some of them, he's loaning me the ones I do not have in my collection. Between us, we have all of them except IronMan III.
My Vettriano print arrived from London today. It's beautiful, so much better full size than the images I had seen of it in books over the years. Now to get a frame..... It will be perfect hung over the bed.
Good day so far. I still feel awful, but overall, I'm alright. Keeping busy to try and get past the pain.
The puppy is here, tucked inside my cashmere sweater. I got it to drink a little from a tiny syringe. It's smaller than my hand. I know, I'm just helping someone out. Don't get attached, don't fall in love with it, don't ask to keep it, etc.
Demeter is in love with the puppy. She's drooling, worrying every time she hears the tiny one squeak. She's glued to my side. She tucks her nose into the v-neck of my sweater to sniff the baby every chance she gets. She has yet to lick the puppy, but I bet it happens soon.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Tuesday
I ordered an electric fireplace and a couple space heaters. Even though it will be much warmer when they arrive, it will be nice to have them next winter. I don't ever want to be this cold again. Having to wear multiple pairs of heavy men's socks is unacceptable.
I'm so ready for spring. Warm weather is something I miss greatly. I keep thinking of what I'd like to plant in the flower beds in the front yard. It will be shady most of the day. Since the house is white with gray trim, I'd like to go with purple plants and flowers. Japanese ferns, Persian shields, purple basil, purple and pink impatiens, etc.
This morning is warmer than it has been in the past few days. 27 when I checked. Finally, we're past the cold weather nightmare.
I've been here less than a month. In some ways it feels as though I've been here much longer. My home is set up. I can find most things easily. With other items, I just sigh and say, eventually.... Light switches hang me up, I know they're there, just not where.
It's a lovely home. Just because I can't see what my things look like doesn't mean I cannot remember each piece. I want to live in a beautiful place, to know my surroundings suit me.
Another death in the family. A relative died yesterday after shoveling snow. My heart is broken for my husband, his Aunt, and the rest of the family. Hubby and I have been messaging back and forth over it.
Today, I plan to do as little as possible. I awoke crying in pain due to arthritis acting up. Moving around and walking hurts my joints and bones dreadfully. Every bone I've ever broken, each damaged joint is shrieking. Taking a pain pill was a lesson in futility. I'm curling up on the love seat with breaks to soak in the tub until I feel better.
Many days, I can get along without pain pills. I still hurt, but can function as long as I'm careful. Other days, I just try to survive until the next dose. Worse, the pills take the edge off, not much more. I've rarely been pain free since 2001.
A good day where I can function balances out with many bad days. Good days are to be taken advantage of so life doesn't fall apart completely. The bad days come, whether or not I do anything on a good day. Sad, but I've learned to navigate through by keeping lists of everything which must be done, and then busting through it.
What's sad is that bad days are not laziness. I want to do things. I want to go places. I want a life where I can do what I want and need to do, when I want to.
I'm so ready for spring. Warm weather is something I miss greatly. I keep thinking of what I'd like to plant in the flower beds in the front yard. It will be shady most of the day. Since the house is white with gray trim, I'd like to go with purple plants and flowers. Japanese ferns, Persian shields, purple basil, purple and pink impatiens, etc.
This morning is warmer than it has been in the past few days. 27 when I checked. Finally, we're past the cold weather nightmare.
I've been here less than a month. In some ways it feels as though I've been here much longer. My home is set up. I can find most things easily. With other items, I just sigh and say, eventually.... Light switches hang me up, I know they're there, just not where.
It's a lovely home. Just because I can't see what my things look like doesn't mean I cannot remember each piece. I want to live in a beautiful place, to know my surroundings suit me.
Another death in the family. A relative died yesterday after shoveling snow. My heart is broken for my husband, his Aunt, and the rest of the family. Hubby and I have been messaging back and forth over it.
Today, I plan to do as little as possible. I awoke crying in pain due to arthritis acting up. Moving around and walking hurts my joints and bones dreadfully. Every bone I've ever broken, each damaged joint is shrieking. Taking a pain pill was a lesson in futility. I'm curling up on the love seat with breaks to soak in the tub until I feel better.
Many days, I can get along without pain pills. I still hurt, but can function as long as I'm careful. Other days, I just try to survive until the next dose. Worse, the pills take the edge off, not much more. I've rarely been pain free since 2001.
A good day where I can function balances out with many bad days. Good days are to be taken advantage of so life doesn't fall apart completely. The bad days come, whether or not I do anything on a good day. Sad, but I've learned to navigate through by keeping lists of everything which must be done, and then busting through it.
What's sad is that bad days are not laziness. I want to do things. I want to go places. I want a life where I can do what I want and need to do, when I want to.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Cold and lonely
12 degrees outside. My peek at the outdoors while letting Demeter outside shows some light snow. Dreading the thought of getting out in order to drag the trash can to the curb. I did step out to toss ice melt on the steps and sidewalks.
Two rooms closed off, blankets over exterior and unused doors, three stove burners on, clothes dryer on and vented indoors, one space heater. All of that, plus the furnace running full blast gets the indoor temp up to almost seventy degrees.
I'm bundled up, including a pair of socks that make my feet look as though they're in a pair of clown shoes. Still cold. Not looking forward to the first heating bill in the mail. I'm betting it will be a monster.
Then again, I'm a hedonist, pure and simple. Being warm makes me happy and content. So, if it takes a big heating bill to keep me happy, so be it.
Actually, could only get the house above seventy for a brief time. It's been hovering around sixty four to sixty eight degrees in here. I'm grateful it's this warm indoors.
Playing movies my brother-in-law brought me this week. So far, I've watched Pometheus, Up, Dredd, Oz The Great And Powerful, Escape From Planet Earth, and now have Spider-Man in. He brought a huge variety. I put in Chicago last night, just to hear the show tunes. Too much worshipping the square god, as my sister-in-law refers to watching television.
Sleeting hard today. One of my relatives stopped by with a space heater. Now, I don't need to rely on stove burners to keep pipes from bursting.
Things I did not have to worry about when I lived with a husband. Being warm was one. It's lonely here, in a way that I never thought I never would be. Demeter is here. She's been my companion for six years. Cannot imagine life without her.
I miss my husband. I miss our cat, Layla, too. I miss hearing her lick my husband's chin at night as he slept. I miss hearing his voice, his companionship. Knowing he's in the next room at his desk when he's home. I miss having someone close by.
It's quiet here. I play music to block the lack of noise. After years of parkway sounds, hearing sirens and air traffic, it's quiet. During the day, there are birds singing. At night, I know I'm in quiet place. An occasional auto is all which can be heard through the walls.
Two rooms closed off, blankets over exterior and unused doors, three stove burners on, clothes dryer on and vented indoors, one space heater. All of that, plus the furnace running full blast gets the indoor temp up to almost seventy degrees.
I'm bundled up, including a pair of socks that make my feet look as though they're in a pair of clown shoes. Still cold. Not looking forward to the first heating bill in the mail. I'm betting it will be a monster.
Then again, I'm a hedonist, pure and simple. Being warm makes me happy and content. So, if it takes a big heating bill to keep me happy, so be it.
Actually, could only get the house above seventy for a brief time. It's been hovering around sixty four to sixty eight degrees in here. I'm grateful it's this warm indoors.
Playing movies my brother-in-law brought me this week. So far, I've watched Pometheus, Up, Dredd, Oz The Great And Powerful, Escape From Planet Earth, and now have Spider-Man in. He brought a huge variety. I put in Chicago last night, just to hear the show tunes. Too much worshipping the square god, as my sister-in-law refers to watching television.
Sleeting hard today. One of my relatives stopped by with a space heater. Now, I don't need to rely on stove burners to keep pipes from bursting.
Things I did not have to worry about when I lived with a husband. Being warm was one. It's lonely here, in a way that I never thought I never would be. Demeter is here. She's been my companion for six years. Cannot imagine life without her.
I miss my husband. I miss our cat, Layla, too. I miss hearing her lick my husband's chin at night as he slept. I miss hearing his voice, his companionship. Knowing he's in the next room at his desk when he's home. I miss having someone close by.
It's quiet here. I play music to block the lack of noise. After years of parkway sounds, hearing sirens and air traffic, it's quiet. During the day, there are birds singing. At night, I know I'm in quiet place. An occasional auto is all which can be heard through the walls.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Saturday and Bad Weather Coming
Got out for awhile and stopped by the Friends Of The Library Book Store. Same folks there, we spent a couple of hours playing catchup. I found some children's books, a coffee table book devoted to the sixties, a couple of Red Riding Hoods to add to my collection, etc. Much fun, a lot of laughter.
I've missed being in a small town. I'm now caught up on a lot of the comings and goings. I have friends here, many more than I realized, and it feels great.
Stopped at the store I used to manage to grab a soda while I was out. Got hit on by a couple of young men. My guess is under thirty years old. It was fun to smile and chat for a few minutes, to be flirted with. Still not ready to date, but those men were good for my ego.
We have an ice storm followed by a few inches of snow coming tonight. We're expecting temps in the teens and single digits over the next few days. Wind chills will be in the minus teens. I'm not going out until later in the week when we should be back in the fifty to seventy range.
My preparations included charging every rechargeable battery and everything that can be charged up. I brought the ice melt in from the garage. The plants are in the kitchen and dining room since the Mudroom is not heated. Blankets and extra curtains are hung over doorways. I made certain I could easily get to kerosene lamps and candles. Plenty of groceries, pet food, toilet paper, etc on hand. I'm as prepared as I can be. My space heater is in the bathroom, unplugged. The clothes dryer vent is detached from the wall so it can be used as a heat source. The water pipes in the laundry room are in outside walls. I have no doubt that using the dryer as a heat source will be necessary.
Ready for winter to be over. I'm tired of being cold. Tired of sleeping in clothes. Tired of chapped hands and lips, a red nose, and hair that is demented in this weather.
Come on spring!
I've missed being in a small town. I'm now caught up on a lot of the comings and goings. I have friends here, many more than I realized, and it feels great.
Stopped at the store I used to manage to grab a soda while I was out. Got hit on by a couple of young men. My guess is under thirty years old. It was fun to smile and chat for a few minutes, to be flirted with. Still not ready to date, but those men were good for my ego.
We have an ice storm followed by a few inches of snow coming tonight. We're expecting temps in the teens and single digits over the next few days. Wind chills will be in the minus teens. I'm not going out until later in the week when we should be back in the fifty to seventy range.
My preparations included charging every rechargeable battery and everything that can be charged up. I brought the ice melt in from the garage. The plants are in the kitchen and dining room since the Mudroom is not heated. Blankets and extra curtains are hung over doorways. I made certain I could easily get to kerosene lamps and candles. Plenty of groceries, pet food, toilet paper, etc on hand. I'm as prepared as I can be. My space heater is in the bathroom, unplugged. The clothes dryer vent is detached from the wall so it can be used as a heat source. The water pipes in the laundry room are in outside walls. I have no doubt that using the dryer as a heat source will be necessary.
Ready for winter to be over. I'm tired of being cold. Tired of sleeping in clothes. Tired of chapped hands and lips, a red nose, and hair that is demented in this weather.
Come on spring!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)