Friday Evening.....

New thing...
Looking in the general direction the sun is, whites out everything. Like, looking east in the morning or west in the afternoon. It's all gone. Sunglasses make no difference, even using my darkest ones. I can function when it's overcast, by wearing a hat with a huge brim, staying in the shade, or by just looking at the ground when I'm outdoors. Can't see much, but better than nothing.

Still so much to do. I'm trying to pace myself, stopping to do things I enjoy from time to time. I listened to the movie "The Music Man" while exercising and on the treadmill. I curled up in the chair by the tv to catch the Survivor premiere tonight.

Friday will be in the sixties, followed by cold weather and possibly an ice storm. Starting to feel cooped up, so Friday will be the day to get out.

My cinnamon tree arrived today. It's lovely, just a foot or so tall, gorgeous leaves, healthy. The box was stuffed with styrofoam peanuts and a big hand warmer type pack. It's made to keep things warm for up to sixty hours. What a clever idea! I used to keep heat packs in the car when I used to drive for winter weather. I would not have thought of using them for that.

Tonight I'm listening to classic country music, tomorrow will be all Celtic music, haven't decided on the next day's music genre. I'm trying to mix it up and broaden my horizons. Being in a couple of long term relationships where my partners listened to the seventie's music all the time was a bit stifling. Great music, don't get me wrong, but there are centuries of music being ignored when one sticks with a single decade's worth of tunes.

Lost two more pounds. I think that's thirteen or fourteen pounds since the eighth of this month. Need to eat more. I don't mind losing weight, but I want it to be a healthy loss.

Friday evening....
Shopped with my brother-in-law today. Climbing into his huge truck was a chore, his floorboard is crotch-high on me, no running boards. He returned movies, borrowed more, brought me a dozen from his collection as well as some Celtic music. 

I bought fresh spinach. Got home to discover I forgot to bring salad dressing from Okc. So much for salad tonight.

This evening, I'm putting artwork in frames. Most family photos are stored in a closet. Somehow, I'm having trouble wanting to put them on display. Just my frame of mind at the moment, it will change eventually. 

Tried to order a print from a London gallery, and was declined. Had to go up the food chain at my bank to find someone to allow an overseas purchase. Very nice gentleman, he unblocked my account for twenty four hours so I could shop. The print was shipped out today, now I'm anxiously awaiting it's arrival.

The print is by Jack Vettriano, one of my favorite artists. I've drooled over his works for years, collected a few of his prints and most of his books. I cannot see much at all, but I want that print. I want to get up close with my magnifying glass and enjoy it each and every day as long as I have even a tiny bit of sight left. Once I cannot make it out any longer, I will still know it's there and what it looks like, and will enjoy the memory of it.

Heard from my youngest today. He's on his National Guard weekend at camp Gruber. With an ice storm, followed by several inches of snow coming Sunday morning, I have no idea how they will get home on Sunday evening. At least Okc won't have it as bad as my area of the state. Still, I'm glad I got him a AAA membership as part of his Christmas.

Finally got internet yesterday. It feels good to be reconnected to the world again. Spent hours updating operating systems, so that chore is done.

Enough for now....

Ongoing life

Friday...
On the loveseat, curled up with Demeter. Apparently her dreams are exciting ones. Her feet are twitching to beat the band, she's also making funny growls. 

Passenger is playing on the radio. Happy coincidence, I ordered one of their CDs earlier this evening. I'm looking forward to hearing more of their music.

Another brother-in-law came over this evening. I last saw him at thanksgiving. He's a real sweetheart. I mentioned that there was a dining table on my wish list. Within seconds he was on the phone arranging to have a spare one that he has in storage delivered. We had a great visit. we've been relatives since 1989. Long time as family, just as long as friends. I've been blessed with some amazing people who have become part of my life.

Speaking of, ran into an old friend earlier today when I was out. We were delighted to discover that we live across the street from each other. I love that about small towns, you find friends everywhere.

Got a number of things crossed off my list. Picked up a couple of boudoir lamps for the bedroom. Bought drapery rods, drapes, and a welcome mat for the front door. Put Garfunkel in the spare fishbowl so I can wash his big one. Stopped at the library and renewed my library card. I was still on file. After four years.... Grabbed a couple of their audiobooks. Checked my lottery numbers, doggone it. Took a lovely nap snuggled with Demeter. Ate the rest of the baba Ghanouj, sharing with my beastie. 

Tonight, I'm enjoying my home. I'm putting the list of things I should be and need to be doing on hold for the night. I have a box of good chocolate, and am ignoring the calorie count. I'm listening to a little radio station out of Bartlesville, Oklahoma.

I've been busting my butt for months, and am ready for a break. Friends are traveling to Florida for the month of April. They want another person to go. I'm tempted, seriously. We used to go to a lake house one of them had during the 80's. We'd travel there for a week or more at a time. We had a lot of fun together. 

The center of the dining room is procrastination central. It's piles of paperwork, new files and file folders. I'm waiting for bad weather to hit so I'm stuck inside and have to tackle it. Same for the toolbox and baskets of tools to put away. In February, indoor chores are ignored when it's nice enough to go outside. 

Saturday.....
Backhanded a door frame while mopping. White walls, trim, floor, appliances, and cabinets are too much white. My lack of sight needs contrasting colors in order to function. Even in daylight, I have to reach to find door frames and cabinets. It all blends into one mass. The Mudroom and Laundry rooms open off the kitchen. They're all white also. I've got to decorate them with some pops of color so I can use things as landmarks. 

The dining room table is here. I had to laugh when I saw it. Other than the top being a different wood, it's identical to the one on my amazon wish list.

Monday...
Don't think it's broken. I can move it. The bruising and swelling goes from the wrist to the second knuckles, front and back of the hand.

The plumbing decided to back up this morning. Turned out it was tree roots, a lot of them. Thank goodness for having landlords who take care of things quickly. Still have one bath sheet to wash. It took all of them to mop up the main mess. One pair of shoes in the trash from walking in it while cleaning it all up. Mopping the bathroom was on today's list, but not like that.

Wednesday.....
Another brother-in-law came over. We ate pizza, drank coffee and talked for over four hours. He raided my movie collection, and then called to find out what I wanted to borrow from his collection. He also brought me half a dozen movies just to get me started.

Word that I'm back without a spouse has gotten around town. I'm getting hit on already. Sheesh. I'm not ready to date, or even take a playmate. Guys move quickly around here on unattached females. I just say I'm not ready right now, and they're taking it fairly well.

My only visitors are family members or female friends. Perhaps I'm old fashioned about how things look. Especially while I'm still married. I could not honor my vows or myself if I was parading men around. 

Now, on the other hand, I live the way I want to behind closed doors. I listen to corny tv shows when I'm on the treadmill. I love soaking in the tub until I'm pruny. Sometimes I order and eat dessert first. I do things like order a cinnamon tree, because I just want to grow one. I love to entertain, but seldom do it. I keep a basket of kaleidoscopes, and allow young visitors to choose one to take home. I remember what fun they are.

Wednesday.....

Wednesday evening. It's raining softly, and I'm finally winding down my day. Got a lot accomplished, and I feel good.

The backyard is cleaned up. Time to decide what to plant, as well as where to plant it. There is plenty of space for a pool. I'm figuring out what kinds of gravel to use under it as well as to put under the patio furniture and along walkways. Pea gravel is easy on bare feet, so that will likely be my choice. Thinking of using rose quartz as mulch around the plants. It's so pretty when it's wet.

Listening to OneRepublic tonight. I bought some of their CDs over the holidays, and am just getting around to playing them. Great music, I'm enjoying the variety that they perform. 

Finally unpacked and set up the computer. Only have my amazon music on it so far. I need to load the rest of my music onto it. 

Need to find a location for my printer. I'm extremely limited by a lack of electrical outlets in the house. Frustrating, I use the printer often and need it set up somewhere.

Moved the treadmill from the spare room to the dining room today. My back is shrieking in protest. I took an arthritis pill after that, but can still feel it. Now that it has been moved, I will use it more.

The spare room now holds linens, craft items, and Great Grandma's settee. The room looks huge. I need to get a bed to put in there. There's plenty of room for a king, but I'll probably put a queen in there.

Went grocery shopping yesterday with my sister-in-law. Got stocked up on groceries, and picked up a washing machine hose. Now my laundry is caught up after nine days worth of dirty clothes. Used my ancient wood drying rack as well as the clothes dryer and the clothesline in the Mudroom. Feels great to have that chore done.

I marked front and back steps with white tape so I can find edges easily.

Today, I ended up with another errand. The radio announced that the powerball jackpot is up to 400 million dollars. I thought, what the heck? Why not take a chance? The rain was still a couple of hours away when I headed out. 68 degrees, but I still ended up wearing a buttoned up sweater. It felt chilly, partly caused by the sky being overcast. Anyway, my powerball fantasy has always been to have new, clean windows installed so I don't have to wash them. Weird? Hey, it's my fantasy, it can be weird.

Tonight, I made Baba Ghanouj for dinner. Instead of middle eastern bread, I used tortillas to serve with it. If I want to go traditional, I'll have to make it from scratch myself. The two groceries in this town are extremely limited in their variety of products. Sad, considering that one is a super center.

Oh, grocery prices...... Use my grapefruit juice as an example. Same brand, same size. Prices taken from the receipts on the table in front of me....
Okc Walmart, $1.64
Here at Walmart, $2.00
Here at Homeland Store, $2.69

Guess who will get the least amount of my business? I had four small bags for $40 dollars when I shopped there last week. I get it though. It's small town in a county with over twenty percent of the population on welfare. No kidding. Personally, I will wait until I make trips to the city to shop and get nearly twice as much for my dollars. 

I know, I know.... Support local business. I will, and I do, happily. This is home, it's where friends and family are. It's where they work, the dollars spent support their families as well as the local community. It's where I shop, but not for groceries. Those prices offend me on too many levels. For that extra dollar and five cents a bottle, I could buy a lot more food. Btw, I usually purchase ten bottles at a time. That's $10.50 extra for the convenience of a store four blocks from home. No thanks.

'Nuff griping. I knew moving back here that some things would be expensive. I'm pretty much a captive audience for local prices. Can't drive anymore, and it's forty miles to the nearest city. Unless I get a ride with a friend, I'm stuck paying whatever the sticker says.

Tonight, I'm thinking of watching The Avengers. Demeter is asleep in the tv chair, so I may have to awaken her with bribes of her favorite cookies.

Big news, I've lost twelve pounds in the past nine days. My pants are sagging........

Resting tonight.....

More accomplished. The garage is in order, the yard is partially cleaned up. The patio furniture (nice Surprise) buried under a mountain of leaves is cleaned up and in place. Note, I need new cushions for the chairs. Except for replacing the front door screen, the front porch is done until it's warm enough to add hanging plants.

I put solar lights in the flower beds around the front porch. I then took a decorative flower pot, filled it with river rocks, and inserted five solar lights in it. It's in the center of the table in the backyard, surrounded by deep, comfy chairs. Next, I need to run a clothesline from one of the chairs to the back steps so I can sit out there at night without getting lost.

The landlord came over last night and adjusted the new tub faucet. Now I can enjoy hot baths after a week of lukewarm ones. Wonderful stuff.

Albums and CDs are organized, as are DVDs. A big exercise area is set up in the dining area.

Still need to hook up the new washer and dryer. The hoses that came with the washer are cheap, leaking at both ends, even with the rubber washers inserted. Desperate to do some laundry after being here a week, I may use the new garden hose on it until I can get to the hardware store.

Note, garden hose idea did not pan out. Only one end had the right connection. I need to go get washer hoses tomorrow.

Demeter and I took a walk to the Dari Diner last night for a burger and fries. We cut it close, the sun set while we were waiting on our order. She got me home safely in the dark. Pretty great, considering she'd not been in town in years. Still, she dragged me home, literally dragged me home, as fast as she could get me here. We have to work on that. 

I lost seven pounds last week. Thought I was eating enough, apparently not. I've been eating from a family size pan of fettucini and meatballs from Mazzios. Great stuff, now I know I need to eat more. Also, I've been eating bananas and clementines, drinking a lot of grapefruit juice. Vanilla wafers are a daily snack. 

No junk food in the house makes a big difference. I had three cabinets in the old house devoted to hubby's snacks and cereals. No such things here, other than fruits and ingredients to make things. It can't tempt me if it's not here.

Worn out, rested most of the afternoon and evening. Soaked in the tub until I became pruny. It's been a busy several weeks, and it's catching up. May take it easy for a couple of days.....

Survival

Got on Facebook this evening to discover a change in my status, still was listed as married, now minus the Hubby's name. Today was bad enough without him rubbing it in. What a truly miserable, completely crappy day. Happy Freakin' Valentine's day to me.

I made my first excursion out of the house today. Went to city hall to finish signing municipal utility paperwork, hit the grocery store, and picked up a carton of cigarettes. Was more than ready to return home. The temps were in the sixties, the sun was out. Nice for February.

Treadmill is set up, time to return to the five mile a day routine. There's an emergency cutoff for when vertigo hits, I have rails that I hang onto, and I keep the phone on hand. 

The exercise is vital. A sedentary life will send me far into depression, as well as invite more illness to wreak havoc on my system. The diseases I have are more than enough, thank you. I have no desire to add to them. Definitely have no desire to have more medicines added to my system which will bring on another nightmare of side effects. Nope, better to stay as healthy as possible.

I semi decorated the spare room with Mom's oil paintings of ocean scenes. There are boxes of bedding awaiting a bed in that room, along with unopened boxes of craft items. Finally getting it all in order and feeling comfortable.

Next is cleaning up the yards as well as organizing the garage. Both chores require cooperating weather. The local weathermen are positively giddy forecasting sixties and perhaps a few seventies over the next week. I plan to take full advantage of the weather to get those places in order. Even just an hour each afternoon should be more than enough to get it all accomplished.

This evening was pure survival,  no tv, no Delilah on the radio, and especially no movies that could remind me of what is gone. I'm doing what I have to in order to just get by until midnight. Sad, isn't it?

Progress settling in.....

I'm now living in the little cottage on a quiet street. Spent most of my time over the last four days unpacking and decorating, listening to music and books, and awaiting deliveries.

The refrigerator and vacuum have arrived. The washer and dryer are anxiously awaited. Instead of a microwave, I ordered a set of tfal pots and pans. How's that in terms of confidence in my cooking skills? Perhaps it is instead hope, or optimism. Who knows?

There are several huge boxes in the center of the dining room full of family pictures, dating from the 1860's to this past Christmas. I've only put a dozen or so on display.

The spare room is closed off while our area has temperatures in the teens. The treadmill will remain in there, as will crafts and Christmas decor. I'd like to find an armoire to store the craft items. 

There is one box of decor to unpack. Most of my clothing is still in the spare closet, needing moved to my bedroom closet, as well as the majority of my shoes.

Need to find a place for electronics, mainly the printer and desktop. The plants are in the spare room. Now that the curtains and drapes are hung in all but three rooms, I can relocate plants to their homes.

You can easily see that this house was built in a different era. There is one electrical outlet in the dining room. The kitchen cabinets rise to the nine foot ceiling. The kitchen sink is all metal cabinet with a giant double sink and porcelain drain boards built in on both sides. Baseboards are 1x12's, door trim are 1x6's. The bathroom doors are only six feet high. The windows are original, with the old rope and pulley system built into the frames. The roof overhang ensures that the south side of the house receives full sun in the winter months, as well as mostly shade in the summer.

The garage and my toolboxes need to be organized. With temps reaching the sixties over this coming weekend, those chores should be easy.

I've only glanced around the front and back yards so far. Looking over my lists for gardening and decorating tells me I will be busy out of doors for a long time.

There is plenty to keep me occupied. 

Over the weekend, I had several relatives show up and help with the moving. Paid a couple of young men to unload the trailer. It was done in three trips, the last done without the trailer. The Expedition loaded with last minute items, plants and pets.

Made a couple of trips to the store. My sister-in-law took me to the grocer in her Solstice. I call the car her husband's midlife crisis. Good thing my list was small. There is not much room in that auto.

A dear friend came over on Saturday night. We laughed and cried, chatted for hours about everything. We sampled the cranberry cordial I made last autumn, and it was delicious, more tart than sweet.

My brother-in-law hooked up the electronics. The over the air antenna pulls in three channels, one of which will permit me to listen to Survivor when the new season airs later this month. I may want to get cable at some point. The tv is off by itself in a corner of the dining room with a comfy chair pulled up next to it. 

I will definitely need wifi here. My hotspot on the phone is slower than dial up. Disappointing, most things won't load, videos online and Pinterest just aren't happening without better internet. Facebook takes over ten minutes to load, and only typed posts, no pics. Something I need to get shortly.

Had a wonderful visit with my brother-in-law. We haven't spent any time just talking in years. He likes a lot of the same authors that I do. I love finding early or first editions of books that he enjoys. Last Christmas, I sent him four by Edgar Rice Burroughs. When I was pregnant years ago, and stuck in bed for weeks, he would bring me stacks of books. He's worse than me when it comes to his home library. Won't lend them out to anyone, so I know that was a big sacrifice on his part, even if it was a loan. Special guy, he's part of the reason that I love my family.

I could go on and on. It seems that I am tonight. Can't sleep, so I may as well ramble on a bit.

Thoughts

The first load is in the trailer. We're looking at at least three trips to move everything. Appliances are on order, and will be delivered after I get there.

Moving breaks my heart. I don't want to leave. I don't want a divorce. I don't want the end of this marriage. 

I'm scared of being alone.

I'm grateful for what was. I had magic for awhile. I had the privilege of being a grandma. I travelled. Did and saw several things on the top of my bucket list. I received more flowers in the past few years than in my entire life. I was loved.

How I will miss this home, the love that was here.

We've talked, we've remembered, we've cried.

Only two more nights here, and then I will be in a new home. I'm not ready.

Update, etc.

Update

Since I last wrote, my friend was transferred from the ICU at Ball Hospital in Muncie to the ICU at a hospital in Indianapolis. She's since been stepped down from ICU, had a lot of tests, and is having surgery again tomorrow.

What a nightmare. Her family is with her. They post regular updates and message me frequently.

This is so hard. Too many miles and too much going on.

The packing continues. Still have to pack clothing, a stack of things on the kitchen table, last minute bathroom and pet items, etc. 

There is a big enclosed trailer parked outside, ready to fill. Once that is done, there will be room to bring my furniture into the garage from the covered patio and the living room. 

I want to go through the liquor cabinet. Neither of us are drinkers, but we like to have some on hand for visitors and guests. Heck, I still have rum in there from the nineties. No kidding, the bottle is over half full. Guess I'll never have a drinking problem. 

The list making is worked at sporadically. I keep thinking of things. Items to pack, a note describing the decor divided by room. Another note contains ideas for the yard and gardens. Frustrating that when we went to see the house, it was fully furnished. I didn't get a good look at any part of the house. I'm going by impressions and ideas. Google map street view is an open tab on the browser, there are a total of eight views so I have a pretty good idea of spaces indoors.

I need to remove and clean the covers from all of the furniture cushions.

I went to the low vision store this afternoon. Up from 6x to 8x magnifiers for reading. A pair set me back $120. Reading is easier, but still done from six inches or less. Better is better, and that is all that matters.