Loved, loved, loved the thunderstorms last night. Wonderful hearing the rainfall and the rumbles of thunder. I miss, though, having a home in a place where I could have windows open as I sleep. Getting brushed by a patch of rain tonight.
More flowers planted in the garden and big pots in the yard. Windows are open during the day, and the breezes are welcome. The house is clean, laundry is caught up, and I'm focusing my main efforts in gardening.
I've been walking Demeter most days, trying to go a mile at least. Getting her used to leading me, taking her different directions and places so that she can get me home. She's learning intersections, stopping at each one. She automatically looks every direction when we stop. I'm teaching her to look for cars, bikes, trucks, etc. She's gotten me home in the dark. Clever girl.
Since Demeter won't tolerate another animal in the house, getting a guide dog is out of the question. I expect a dog of Demeter's size and health to live another six or more years. That means that she and I are a team. I take care of her, she takes care of me. Symbiosis at its finest. I'm training her to lead me, getting her used to new places, things and situations. She'll do fine. Being helpful is something she enjoys.
It's hard to pace myself. I overdo things and wear out quickly. Then, I'm frustrated by not being able to do things. I wonder if I'll ever bounce back from the methotrexate. It's been almost a year since my first dose, and over ten months since my last one. That medicine really messed my up. Too bad it didn't help my eyes.
More eye changes. More sensitivity to light, less vision in shadows. A lot of shadowy things are just black blobs now. Kind of creepy in a b movie sort of way. More eye changes bring back hallucinations. Annoying as crap, the hallucinations are in clear focus and mainly in parts of my sight that are no longer working.
Each shift in sight brings a new wave of sadness. I mourn the loss of a bit more of the world. I have to adjust the way I do things. There are new adaptations to make, tweaking the systems that I've put in place in order to function. More tactile ways of identifying the world around me.
Enough for now....
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